The song in the background of my blog plays through my mind, filling my head with memories as to why I created the blog in the first place. The memories that inspired each blog post, and the events that transpired after these very blogposts. The links that most of you wouldn't really know about, yet appear crystal clear to me, each post carrying an encryption of a chapter into my life, an unbreakable code, its answers hidden deep in my heart.

An abstract body of words, filled with emotion as I inscribe them onto the text box on the screen, the typing facilitating it as I mentally dictate, the speed at which I type ensuring that no idea or thought escapes and even so, the output is tame, with the soothing, background theme of my blog playing, constantly reminding me of the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

Once more into the breach, my friend.

Contemplation, fueled by the need to understand one's self, to fully comprehend the thoughts behind each emotion, the emotion behind each fragment of thought, and the physical output of these thoughts, how they manifest into mannerisms, actions, attitudes towards people. How they are expressed to those around me, how I seem to them as I do so.

Must I put myself through so much scrutiny? Am I not as imperfectly human as everyone else?

Contradictions, as thoughts crash into each other, agreeing yet disagreeing, your mind engulfed in the chaos of its wake, confused and yet, protected by a countermeasure that had been created together by your very mind and body, a by-product of many such internal conflicts within one's mind.

Do I embrace this apathy? This jaded feeling? Perhaps.

Or is it just a ruse? Something I hide behind to not show my vulnerabilities? Or so I think. To some, that very barrier I wrap around myself is nothing but a lie. A bubble of insincerity that I have wrapped around myself, selfishly, perhaps.

Contemplation.

Really though, who gives a shit. I'm just going to live life as it is. Imma let whatever fate has in store for me and fucking go for it.

And if anything...

I gotta be myself throughout.

Shaft, out.