DISCLAIMER: This is a boring post about my life so far. If you hate me, don't like me, or get bored with longwinded crap, then get the heck out.
My name is Muhammad Shafyuddin bin Mohamed Basir, currently living in Bedok and I am 16 years old. This, is my life story. I was born to a average-income family, living in Bedok North, my mother having a Cesarean, in which she said (pretty recently, within a month) because I was goddamned stubborn. And I guess I still am. I went to a PAP-funded Kindergarten, and I met some fabulous friends (2 of which are STILL my friends now), and we faught our fair share of battles, including a small fight with a few Primary school bully wannabes. I was once caught talking too much, and was asked to teach the class. That wasn't so bad. Pretty fun, if I remembered right.
And Primary One came soon after. It was not a bad thing, really. Except for the fact I keep losing my stationery. All the time too. I remembered I had almost none left, except for my pencils... And it was during a fateful spelling test, in which I had no other choice, but to use my finger, wet with saliva, to erase something. My teacher found out later, and slapped me, telling me it was disguting. I remembered just giving her a blank look of innocence...
Primary Two went by quickly, very quickly. I could barely remember much. It was pretty straightforward.... Primary Three was influential, getting stuffed in the last class, made me see people and things I usually wouldn't. Of course, I was still the chatty brat I was. The male teacher, his name was... Mr Hazri? He used the fabled 1 Metre rule to slap the palm of my hand... and the ruler broke. That gave me temporary fame.
Primary Four, two schools merged, and I was now a member of some other school. Now in a class filled with unfamiliar and familiar faces, it took awhile to get used to again. But heck, it was filled with fun and experiences. Playing that mean arse in Oliver Twist, and getting slapped in the face for creating my own acronym. "Pee Pee (PP)" AKA Private Parts. That wasn't too pleasent....
Primary Five was the... "climax" of my emotions in that school. A fabled transfer student, one with such beauty, that almost the entire level (Entire Primary Five Cohort), all the malay boys had fallen for her, except those in the higher classes. I was at the border however, and I too, fell victim to her charms. I got even more attracted, during a camp when I was drafted in the same team as she was. I truely had a crush then, an immense one. But I preferred to remain friends, to keep quiet. I was just not good enough for her. I was a geek then, mind you. Glasses, high pants, fat, unfit...
So she didn't know. Untill one fateful day, it leaked. I only told 3 people, and only one would be the bastard to spread it. And so, you had all the boys in the level who liked her, bugging me, teasing me. I ran so slow, I couldn't catch them at all. I had never felt so... messed up in my life. My self esteem was very low. I'd throw temper tantrums, cry, scream. Heck, I cried in class everyday for months, seperated myself from the rest, blaming myself for being so pathetically lonely and alone. It just sucked, lets put it at that.
*Insert chain of events here*
A year passed, and well, I calmed down. I gave up running (I threw my heavy file instead. Worked very well, I might add.) to beat them down, and well, I slowly just got more positive. The other boys in my class. Heck, I got less geeky by as the months passed, playing soccer and stuff, spending time after school. And soon, it didn't matter.
Secondary One came after the PSLE, and I decided to totally turn into a new leaf, to forget how "emo" I was back then. It worked for the first few months, and I quickly made friends, being friendly and all. It worked. Heck, I got in too comfortably, maybe. I even had a crush again soon enough, giving her a Valentine's card. Ah, 3 years ago. All of it slowly started to fade, as I started getting those negative thoughts again. And in a year, I got back to square one.
Secondary Two was a messy year. My emotions got the better of me so often, I was blinded, silent, self-hating. It just sucked. I had so few friends, so little motivation. It was a difficult period. My "second" life over the internet didn't make it any easier at all. It just amplified it over and over. Details on this? Ask me personally. I'm too friggin lazy to write it all out.
Secondary Three, I was seriously back to square one. Giving myself a mental reform, changing all I can, I tried to at least. It was successful. I'd never been so happy in a long, long while. The negativity would float back once in awhile, but it was usually repellable. In that same year, I almost had her. The girl I loved. And then I lost it. My fault. I'm still currently thinking about it, but hey. Gotta look ahead and move on. That did allow a gap for the negativity, which, is still present.
Now I'm in Secondary Four, a mixture of positivity and negativity, both sides conflicting. So what are the choices I'll make this year? So far, its has not been so good at all... Ah well. We'll see what the future holds. Out.
