Holding back tears on the train, in the bus and back at home, sighing it away as I distract myself from my reservations, my own worries and negative emotions. About what I should do, need to do and want to do, organizing them from the cluttered, confused mass of thoughts that they were while I mingled, influenced and confused by encouragements and nudges.

Should I or shouldn't I?

Maybe I could've been faster. Maybe I should be less sloppy. Maybe I can....

Nah. Screw it all.

Back to the basics. Go with the flow, as I'd always say.
I kinda cracked under pressure, under the impression that not being alone for once would be great. Maybe I should try it. With the sheer realization of who I am though, followed up by the opening I made for my negativity, it tore through my soul, instigating the pathetic emotions of anger, sadness, dejection, regret and uselessness... And for what? Just because I can't get hitched?

Bah, pathetic.

Guess I need to go cover a few spots before I recuperate.

Out.

I'd like to thank h0rse for the changes in the blogskin. XD

Though I did love the touch Angela placed in it, so I just... asked for minor changes, and he added a few personal touches. <3 Sakuya Iyazoi. :3
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Writing this in class, since I don't exactly feel compelled to do work... And listening to Sakuya Izayoi's theme (the UI-70 remix) has gotten me pumped up enough to gather enough thoughts/emotions for a post. I pour out too much at a time to post often. Maybe I shoudln't pour it all out at once. >_>

I'll edit in a picture later. Internet speed here is like me doing something I don't like. Rofl.

Then again, there's so much you can really explain about emotions. In the end, its one huge vicious (or sweet) cycle, with reality always catching up to kick you in the arse, telling you not to take your own time with certain things. Poo. Then again, time stops for no one, right? And I guess thats kind of common sense, no need to remind myself and all of you out there. Hurr.

Its back to the same old doubts and the dreadful feeling that I'm no good enough for something, or someone. Or just... don't want to do it. Rofl. Its unexplainable, my subconcious telling me things that I usually wouldn't give a hoot about. I start caring, doing what I can to... "help". But in a way, I contradict myself alot. Thanks much, subconcious.

I'm pretty drained of stuff to write about, or motivation/inspiration to write or do anything. I'm pretty much "Dead", going along with what the flow of life pushes me along to do. Then again, I've been physically materializing it, craftign it into the laid back personality that I have. Though, as Ariel placed in her PM a week ago... "People should be like Tea..."

And I guess thats me for now. Or ever. XD.

Love-wise... Well.

I don't think I'll be chasing anyone, or doing anything about it for now. Why?" I just don't feel like it. :3

Shaft out.