Take a step forward, because thats all you need to get started.

They say that you only realize the value of things only after you lose them, be it people, objects, privileges or just certain aspects of your life, such as perhaps, a relationship, family or school. Sure, its overused, and some might even put it up as cliche, but lets all be honest.

Things are cliche because they're true to an extent. If its used by so many, then it can be said to be some sort of philosophy, no? Something judged by many people over many decades, if not centuries, of the same expressions being used repeatedly in the same context. Some part of it must be truth, if not all.

And recently, I have lost something dear to me. Perhaps due to circumstance, perhaps due to how pathetic I was. Maybe I didn't treasure the moments. Or a good mixture of everything, really.

But none of it matters anymore; Its already happened. No point fretting and bawling about it, really. Only one thing matters; To move on.

Life ain't going to end anytime soon. And time isn't going to wait for my sorry, depressive ass to take its time to get up on my own two feet to walk the distance of my life. Its going to move on and on, relentlessly, no matter how many times I fall, or how hard I fall. Uncaring of whether my heart was shattered, my ego bruised, or self-esteem flushed down the sewers. Time will go on, apathetically, forever.

Well, until this soul of mine is snuffed out by some unnatural accident or natural causes, at least. I wouldn't be able to notice time if I'm dead.

I don't have many motivations, or do I have any aspirations or dreams.

I just want to live. Find my purpose or calling in life.

One step at a time.




Oh, one more thing.

Happy Valentines' Day, motherfuckers.

Drown out the distortions in your thoughts, audible voices that can be understood, words among the sounds, distracting you, discouraging you from what you want to achieve from something. Or turning your attentions away from the solutions, the bright side of things. Instead, focusing them on the negatives of a certain event or happening, the consequences happening by your own two hands as you react to the stimulus, affected by the distortions.

Why can things never be so simple? There's always so many factors involved. A third party? Feeling torn? Choices? Is it really worth all of this shit I'm going to walk through?

Or am I really the cause of all this? Is it so hard to just wish for one thing and want nothing else more than that one, single thing?

Is it so bad to just be selfish, just this once?

Reality seems to say yes. Fingers point to you, even your own. Guilt wells up upon you, can you handle the burden? Thinking about the risks doesn't cut it anymore.

Then again, they never really do. What can happen, what can you do to avoid them, or solve them in the end. That should be the case. Risk-taking is one thing, managing it is another. Even so, too many people mistake one for the other.

Far too many, in more ways than one.

Love. The most oxymoronic word I've ever really seen. It can be so wonderful, yet so painful. Contradictions in one, beautiful word that most people even shirk at its mere mention to this day.

One-sided love is a pretty good example. You do it willingly, painfully. Without logic, without reason.

Its not the first time,

But it wouldn't be the last.

Shaft out.

The song in the background of my blog plays through my mind, filling my head with memories as to why I created the blog in the first place. The memories that inspired each blog post, and the events that transpired after these very blogposts. The links that most of you wouldn't really know about, yet appear crystal clear to me, each post carrying an encryption of a chapter into my life, an unbreakable code, its answers hidden deep in my heart.

An abstract body of words, filled with emotion as I inscribe them onto the text box on the screen, the typing facilitating it as I mentally dictate, the speed at which I type ensuring that no idea or thought escapes and even so, the output is tame, with the soothing, background theme of my blog playing, constantly reminding me of the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

Once more into the breach, my friend.

Contemplation, fueled by the need to understand one's self, to fully comprehend the thoughts behind each emotion, the emotion behind each fragment of thought, and the physical output of these thoughts, how they manifest into mannerisms, actions, attitudes towards people. How they are expressed to those around me, how I seem to them as I do so.

Must I put myself through so much scrutiny? Am I not as imperfectly human as everyone else?

Contradictions, as thoughts crash into each other, agreeing yet disagreeing, your mind engulfed in the chaos of its wake, confused and yet, protected by a countermeasure that had been created together by your very mind and body, a by-product of many such internal conflicts within one's mind.

Do I embrace this apathy? This jaded feeling? Perhaps.

Or is it just a ruse? Something I hide behind to not show my vulnerabilities? Or so I think. To some, that very barrier I wrap around myself is nothing but a lie. A bubble of insincerity that I have wrapped around myself, selfishly, perhaps.

Contemplation.

Really though, who gives a shit. I'm just going to live life as it is. Imma let whatever fate has in store for me and fucking go for it.

And if anything...

I gotta be myself throughout.

Shaft, out.

Pretty damned good. One of the best quizzes ever. Far from the teensy, angst-filled, obvious quizzes in quizilla.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Felt like doing a quiz.

No lying on the quiz.



Starting Time: 0106 hours

Name: Shafyuddin AKA Shaft
Sisters: 3
Brothers: 0
Eye Color: Brown/Black
Shoe size: 13
Hair: Black / Very slight tinge of brown under sunlight
Piercings: 0
Height: 175

What are you wearing right now?
Pants

Where do you live?
Singapore, Bedok

Favorite Number: 4
Favorite Drink: Iced Water
Favorite Month: June
Favorite Breakfast: Anything that warms the tummy.


***********Have You Ever***********

Broken a bone: No
Been in a police car: No
Been on a plane: Yes
Been in a hot tub: Yes
Swam in the ocean: Yes

Fallen asleep in school: Ho ho, alot.
Broken someone’s heart: ... Perhaps.
Cried when someone died?: Nope.
Fell off your chair: Yep.
Sat by the phone all night waiing for someone to call: I guess so.
Saved e-mails: Yes
Been cheated on: Hmm... Yeah.

***********What is************

Your room like? : Corner by the living room. <_<
What is right beside you? Blanket, Pillow.
What is the last thing you ate? : Rice + Meat + gravy

———————-Ever Had- ————————-

Chicken pox: No.
Sore throat: Yep.
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: Nope.

————————-Do You————————–

Believe in love at first sight?: Mmhm.
Like picnics: Always.

———————————————————

Who was the last person you danced with?: One of my ITE Classmates...
Who last made you smile?: Can't remember.

————————–Who—————————

Did you last yell at?: Mark Aaron Lee.
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: Neither.

———-Final Questions————-

What are you listening to right now?: Blade Chord - Abingdon Boys School
What did you do today? Bathed, ate, drank, took the bus, train, talked to friends, got myself into my project groups, talked, socialized, got my ass home.
Hate someone in your family?: Not really.
Diamond or pearl? Pearl.
Are you the oldest? Nope.
Indoors or outdoors: Both are fine.

——————Today did you———————-

1. Talk to someone you like?: Kinda.
2. Kiss anyone? Nope.
3. Get sick? Sore Throat + Cough
4. Sing? Yep.
5. Talk to an ex? What ex? <_<
6. Miss someone?: Mmm...
7. Eat?: Yarr.

—————-Last person who——————

8. You talked to on the phone?: Nafika

9. Made you cry?: Huh.

10. Went to the movies with? Hua Wei?

11. You went to the mall with? Tako.

——————Have you——————-

19. Been to Mexico? No
20. Been to USA? No

——————-Random——————–

21. Have a crush on someone?: -sigh-
22. What books are you reading right now? Textbooks. <_<
23. Best feeling in the world? Satiation.
24. Future kids names? Hurr hurr.
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? -points to self-
26. What’s under your bed? Air.
27. Favorite sport(s) to watch?: Hmmm.
28. Favorite place: Home.
29. Who do you really hate?: Arrogance.
30. Do you have a job?: Nope.
31. What time is it now? 0117 Hours.

-takes a deep breath and starts to type-

Emptiness, melancholy, sadness yet somewhat satisfied, hanging around, strummung the guitar practicing chords 'till your fingers get sore from the fresh, stiff strings. The amateur fingers still soft, calluses unformed. Playing the same 4 chords over and over, attempting to quicken the transition between E minor, C, G, D. Playing it with different self-experimented strumming patterns, with two different picks, and his uncallused thumb, struming backwards with this thumbnail to create some sort of an echo.

As he tried his best to do so, his mind wandered, to his past, present and his possible future. The possible consequences of his every action, how it would affect possible aspects of his future. His thoughts distracted him, as the pick slipped past his fingers and right into the gaping hole of the guitar's main body, as the strings echoed the mis-played chord into that very same hole.

"Fuck."

He sighed, as he turned the guitar over, shaking it and moving it in various positions to get the pick out. By the time he did, the pain in his fingers had fully surfaced, and he put the guitar to rest for the day, laying it against his TV, noticing his red finger tips and the impressions the strings had made upon them, wondering when the calluses would appear.

He sat on his bed, leaning on the rough wall, as he looked upon his laptop.


The various programs, clients he had on. The people on them, or not on them. Not replying to his messages. Did he do anything wrong? He would never really know. They wouldn't reply. With some form of guilt welling inside him, he sighed. It was pointless to worry. It wouldn't do anything. Perhaps he would find out some other time.

He had learnt to smile through the disappointment, discomfort or guilt. Sulking did nothing but worsen his mood, negative thoughts welling up. Smiling? Was he lying to himself?

Eh, what else was there to do? Smile and live another day. Its not like the world revolves around him. As he'd always repeat to himself, and others.

"I'm just another man."

Leaving a few messages that he wouldn't be back for two days, hopefully, the person he addresses it to would at least read it.

Shaft, out.

Happy fuckin' Valentine's, people.

Here's a song from me to you. <_<

http://www.mediafire.com/?juzixfw3dl2

Enjoy.

Stuff happens. I observe more human behavior, I learn more about them. And not like its all-godly either; I get affected myself, one way or another, inside.

Epiphanies, realizations, of certain things in life that can or can't be helped. That can or can't be done. Why certain things happen, and why they can't. And of course, the obvious;

Life is fuckin' unfair.

Before I end this short post though.

Don't underestimate OR overestimate each other's places in a relationship. Takes two hands to clap afterall.

I'm done.

The word flame would be too strong for that mild reply, really.

Otherwise, I don't really care who you are, or how you are. You speak as if I've never been in desperation over a girl. I claim? Not really. The word deduction would be more accurate. One SMS? False. I read more than that. Oh wait, you contradicted yourself there.

Judgement? False. I'm not worthy of such things. An opinion of you would be a much more accurate term.

Save your pity for yourself. I've fallen into that rut once, it cut deeply, and so far, I've learnt a pretty good lesson. I'm not as "completely selfless" as you are. I'm a self-righteous bastard who really, could rip off any affection for the girl I "love" if I feel the need arising to. Would hurt later, possibly. But I still have my dignity and pide to hold on to.

Shaft, out.

For the one who's concerned

For that certain person who might want to know who "Shaft" is after she SMS'd you that she was meeting me; Welcome to my little blog here.

I would really love to clarify that me and her are nothing but close friends, more of a sworn sister than anything else. I've known her for 3 years now. If there was anything that could happen, or would happen, it would've happened in those 3 years back then. I'll swear that on my pride.

Also, you should consider yourself a lucky bastard for her saying yes to you even though she's known you for less than half a year, really.

Now, she's said yes, and has given in to your demands and petty "rules". Subjected herself to your expectations of "rules of a relationship". Please, thats not even fuckin 'natural. I'm not gonna mention names or groups here. You know who you are and what the afforementioned rules are.

You practically switched from an angry man, to throwing a hissy fit, before you started begging. Make up your mind. If you want to change, do so. Being posessive like that does nothing healthy for your relationship. Why am I poking my nose through this? Its because I would really, really hate to see her feeling sad, irritated or threatened.

She is beautiful for who she is; Straightforward, self-centered and blur, sub-consciously mature, but unwillingly so. Not when you twist her to your whims, while you claim to change, despite being petty and posessive even when you claim to give her "Freedom".

Grow up man. I'm sure you're way overdue to read the paragraphs above written by some 18-year old guy whom you don't even know.

Shaft out.

Because I wanna know how stupid I am.

And I wanna get my head off work for awhile.

[ ] You have tripped a couple of times
[x] You were looking for a certain object then you realized it was on your hand
[ ] You have been hit by a ball in the head
[x] You have failed in P.E. class
[ ] You have been electrocuted
[ ] You have been called STUPID
TOTAL: 2

[x] You keep on forgetting what you are about to say
[ ] You've worn your clothes upside down a couple of times
[ ] You swim then you realize that you're losing breath
[x] You opened the fridge instead of opening the cupboard
[x] You thought Ricky Martin is straight (HE ISN'T?!!!)
[ ] You laughed and laughed then you choked
TOTAL: 3

[ ] It will take you more than 10 seconds before you realize that a joke is either funny or not
[x] Your keyboard is black, the lights are turned off and it's dark. You still tend to type.
[ ] You have no idea what an Xbox is
[ ] You don't know how multiply works
[ ] You kept writing but later you've noticed that you do not know what you're writing.
TOTAL: 1

[x] You know you're the only one in the class who has that name and yet you ask the question: who, me?
[ ] You don't know what he/she is talking about and yet, you still say YEAH.
[x] You don't know what's the difference between BOMBAIS and MUSLIMS
[ ] You were about to go out from your house when you felt that you have no underwear
[ ] You forgot to wear your shoes
TOTAL: 2

[ ] You don't know where you live.
[ ] You only know about 1/4 of the roads in your city
[ ] You don't know a single element
[ ] You don't know what an iPod is
[ ] You see a sign that says don't touch but you still touch it.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] You do not know what your name means
[ ] You don't have an idea what sims are
[X] You don't know what NEWS means
[x] You fell off your chair
[ ] You fight with someone, but you don't know what you're fighting about.
TOTAL: 2

[ ] You still don't know if a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable
[ ] You don't hear a thing when someone is shouting at you
[ ] You say what and huh a lot
[ ] You’re using a calculator to see your score in this test
TOTAL: 0

GRAND TOTAL: 10
Now take that number and multiply by 3!

30% huh.

Lifelines

Once in every while, I would consider the deletion of this blog. The lack of reactions from people who might read my blog, which in turn spurs the intention to just wipe this blog from existance. Why should I try to write something when people don't read it? Would it really help anyone if they read this, or is this a place to vent my own frustrations, rallying support to myself, or just ranting like a wuss?

But alas, no. I don't rant without some insight into it. I'm not turning this into a conventional blog of "MY DAY WAS FINE/CRAPPY/NOT BAD/HORNY". A reflection of my selfish, inner thoughts. But then again, its also for that very reason, people might not have an interest in my blog. Because its not conventional.

Deletion? Not deleting?

Nah. If all else fails, I'd rather read it myself. Whatever happens, the emotions I'v placed in the earlier posts are still real. It'd be a shame to let it die just like that.

I am...

I am just a normal man, walking on this Earth. I'm no one out of the ordinary. I was born like any other human being. With innocence, with emotions, with faults and in-born strengths. Keys to certain choices I have to make as I walk on the path of fate and destiny. More keys are given to me as I grow, guided by my parents, family and the society around me, as I further advance to school. And soon, my mind was my own, and I took control of what I wanted to do, learn and not play attention to.

As that happens, I start using the keys given to me, opportunities opening up new paths that I can choose to access or ignore, while not stopping at all, as time waits for no one. With influences from childhood, my own free will and the keys that I have been provided with, I walk on the path, aquiring new keys as I go along, possibly losing a few keys on the way. Occasionally, people who matter join me on the path, either helping me or kicking me off, but time waits for no one, and I move on with the best of my ability.

And I guess thats one way to think about life. At least before I start on my blogpost.

-sigh-

How do you define someone to be "better" than yourself?

Capabilities? Looks? How far he or she would go for love or friends as compared to you? At certain activities? Morales?

To be honest, I don't know.

Perhaps he or she is regarded as better whenever you feel envy towards the person. He or she can go so far for a loved one as compared to you. Perhaps he or she has better luck or circumstances.

A better person? Really. What defines he or she as such?

Then again, who cares eh?

Anyone wanna slack somewhere?

Fucking Quiz

Skip this for a meaningful blog post.

#1 The first person who tag in your blog is?
Tako.

#2 Your relationship with him/her?
What?

#3 Your impression of him/her?
Hyperactive.

#4 The most memorable thing he/she had done for u?
None.

#5 The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
None.

#6 If he/she become your lover you will
Laugh like hell at the impossibility.

#7 If he/she become you lover, thing he/she has to improve will be
Nothing.

#8 If he/she become your enemy, you will?
Not care,

#9 If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be?
Offend my family, friends or whatever.

#10 The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?
Buy her vitasoy that i promised/owed.

#11 Your overall impression of him/her is?
Carefree.

#12 How you think people around you feel about you?
"Looney."

#13 The characters that you love yourself are
None.

#14 On the oth contray, you hate yourself are?
Lots.

#15 The most ideal person you want to be is?
Me.

#16 For people that care and like you, say smth to them?
Thanks. But I doubt they are.

#17 Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you. Pass to people with blogs only.

I refuse to burden anymore with this needless quiz.

That is all.

Random eh?

I was clearing my inbox and sent items, just looking through the past 2 years of E-mails that I had sent.

This one particularly touched me, and I guess I'll post it out here. This is me, sending this to a few people, back on 8th of march, year 2007.

>Pretty much, the past few weeks of the holiday have been absolutely boring, without any good conversations going on, or the chance of having one, for the entire month. I've patched up with a few people, and I feel good I guess, as I do get a little farther from certain people. Its a little balance I guess. I can't be with everyone, despite whatever I do. Its a little hidden secret of mine that I actually want to be friends with everyone for the longest time possible without losing contact, despite how I seem to be a little distant. But at times, I just wait for them to message, only finding myself having to start it first, but ending up failing as the person is already flooded with messages, or one way or another. Lack of time maybe, but eh. Rofl.

Time has passed, people have matured. And I got over things already. Sure, I still got my usual jealous urges, but I'll have to get over it sometime. Life is life, its never really fair for some people at certain times. I'll have to accept that for the little realist I want to be, I strive to be. Despite its little "conflict" against my so-called horoscope, Pisces, as it mentions that Pisces people are usually dreaming and love to fantasize. And I admit, I do fantasize. Meeting people like you, wondering what we'd do, and so on and so forth. Fantasies galore without any of them having a chance to come true. I guess its isn't healthy, but its how I... "live". Its how I think. Its how I will be until the day I die.

And instead of whining, crying, not accepting the fact, I'd rather take it head on and grit the discomfort away. Because nothing I do will change anything. I'll have to stick to one designation throughout everything. If people are happy, then so am I. I tell myself that all the time, almost lying to myself. It'll be alright if they're happy right?

But there's always that little disappointment you feel for not being the one for her, or that person. Maybe you want another shot at it, possibly with a different person. But you can't wait. Time passes so slowly, painfully but nothing happens at all. I'm prepared for that possibility, planning out my life as minimally as possible with maximum flexibility just in case anything happens. But otherwise, I'll be living a pretty standard, boring life. Donating what extra I have off my paycheck to orphanages, buying video games when off work and making friends and doing what I do best to most people; Be their best buddy.

I understand that to most girls, I seem more like a big teddy bear. The best friend that doesn't mind listening to every single thing they say, always looking into me for insight on the opposite gender. And I accept it. Even if most of them do not look any further than that, its what I am. All attempts at showing off my inner side have ended up imploding in my own face, making myself pissed, disappointed, filled with envy and just... dejected.

But thats what living a life is I guess. Experimenting, adapting, getting to know people and circumstances better. Its a painful yet somewhat enriching process. And yet, you have to wonder; why am I writing this E-mail? Maybe its because I trust you. Maybe its because I wanted you to get your mind off things. Maybe I wanted to just express myself to someone whom I admit, is somewhat stronger.

For someone like me, Its hard for me to actually accept I bared myself to someone. Its a little degrading in my mindset to submit myself, or open myself up like this, somewhat. I've always wanted to appear strong, helping out in whatever way I can. But I've never really had anyone to do the same with. And ironically, the people I help. I long for someone who can help me in the same way. But like I said, we'll see what time has in store for me, and for you.

I've got no idea how I wrote something this long, but there you have it. I actually did. Maybe you can write about how I am to you, maybe you can express yourself. Maybe you can say how my ideas are childish or just noble. Its all up to you. Heck, you don't even need to reply if you have something else to do. I guess thats fine, and I'm used to it by now. Your happiness is prioritized over my own at any time, despite whatever I think it might be.


- Shaft

For 2 blog posts, skip this post.

Otherwise, quiz I wanna do.

Currents
Current mood: Malevolent. Belevolent. Contradictory. Contemplative. I don't know.
Current taste: Mom's Curry Chicken.
Current clothes: Pants.
Current desktop: Sakura Izayoi, Hong Meiling, Patchouli Knowledge, and the Scarlet Sisters.
Current toenail Color: Neutral.
Current time: 1.03 AM
Current thoughts: ... I need to sleep.

Firsts
First best friend: Zulfadli Zameer. Friends in our respective mothers' tummies, friends when we got out and breathed the air, and friends 'till the end of Primary School.
First crush: Shafika from Kindergarten, I think.
First movie: In the theaters? Tarzan Malay Dubbing. >_>
First alcohol: This year.
First cigarette: This month.
First time clubbed: Never. Don't think I will.
First partner: None.
First kiss: None.
First lay: None.

Lasts
Last cigarette: Last Saturday.
Last alcohol: June?
Last car ride: Last Thursday, with Mr Herman.
Last crush: Go figure.
Last movie: VCD-wise, The Three Kingdoms: Ressurection of the Dragon. Theater-wise, Kung-Fu Panda.
Last time clubbed: Never.
Last partner: None.
Last phone call: Irsyad.
Last CD played: Too long ago.
Last song played: Some UI-70 Remix.
Last person kissed: Never.
Last lay: Never.
Last place gone to: ITE West (Clementi)

Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Yeah, I have.
Have you ever broken the law: A few times.
Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
Have you ever been on TV: Kind of.
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: Nope.
Have you ever had sex with someone you don't know: Funny.
Have you ever did drugs: Hell no.
Have you ever masturbated: Any man who says no, is obviously lying.

Places
Places you can be always seen at: Home, School.
Places you like to go: Beach, anywhere with fresh air, a nice lake, a pier...
Places you'd like to visit: Japan, Europe, I dunno. I prefer staying local.

Things
Things you like to eat: Anything edible. But Mee Rebus is in my mind for now.
Things you like to do: Slack, Chat, Discuss/debate, play computer games, sleep.
Things you do when you get bored: Whine.

___________


I don't feel like tagging. Just not who I am.

A set of Random Scribbles I wrote in my notebook on the 28th of October and today.

28th of October

It might be important to make sure your message gets across. Things might turn out to be more or less than they are supposed to. Give and take. Imperfections are the key to being unique, not bind by the social standards of mankind's communities.

Having nothing to do might be boring, but always take the opportunity to rest, recuperate and reflect on what has happened in your life. I guess that's how you "treasure every moment" in life, in a way. If all else fails, resort to the way you were before your hormones started raging and the strong attractive feelings for the opposite gender started appearing.

________________________

For Today.

Sorry seems to be the most used excuse ever known to man, admitting that he has done something and yet, is not able to doa nything to make up for it or reverse the consequences of the action that he has done. A single word that brings about different amounts of effectiveness, depending on how it has been used, the amount of times and the tone/situation its used at.

But the fact remains that such things can never be the same again. There is close to no such thing as complete forgiveness without some sort of doubt. There will always be that small fragment of trust that will be hard to regain. But in most cases, the opportunity to do so will never appear. In the end, regret might be the only thing left.

Prevention better than cure, eh?

Its time to face the facts; I'm most definitely NOT part of anyone's fantasies, I'm unattractive, I've got a weird BO, I'm weird and I'm probably temperamental.

Then again, whatever. <3

Love is to hate,
I believe its our fate.
Not to relate,
Nothing's too late.

There's limits to satisfaction,
Its time for emancipation.
Freedom is within our sights,
Lets step up, bring on the lights.

- Shaft

You know, sometimes, we tend to ponder about the word "Equality" and every single aspect of it. Are we all really born equal? With equal opportunities and stuff like that? The only differences being that it would be up to us to grab these opportunities and make full use of them. And well, equality is one hell of a far-fetched word that's imperfect on its own. Used on its own, the vagueness it implies can be pretty much dangerous, if not offensive.

Are we all really equal? Mentally, physically, and in terms of charisma, both physical allure and just your attitude. The environment around you, how you were raised, influenced during your most impressionable ages as you grew up. Are all of these really "equal"?

I doubt it.

And so, we have people of different aptitudes. Those who can talk well, present well, those who can think quickly and yet there are people who are socially inept or unable to accept themselves.

On a side-note, its fuckin' amazing how I typed all of the above just to prepare for a single, selfish rant.

Otherwise, since I'm adhering to my weird "code" of blogging, which is to not directly refer to real-life issues, I'll just say the following;

Give and take; Everything's a fucking double-edged sword these days.

I'm "that person" in your life that once helped you, was once your friend and once talked to you. I'm "that person" who listened, helped you and gave advise, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever you needed one. I'm "that person" who stood on the sidelines, watching you with a watchful eye, noticing your body language, before leaving a message on your phone if I get concerned, without anyone else knowing/noticing unless you tell them.

I'm "that person" who randomly seems like a close friend on certain days, yet so far on others. I'm "that person" who is never mentioned, never thanked and yet, doesn't seem to mind at all, helping others with their lives, seemingly as if his own was perfect, if not filled with flaws everywhere.

Ending this with a last note;

I'm always there, the door's always open. "That person" is never too far and even if he's busy, has some time to talk over the phone, or message you whenever he can. He is human after all.

PS: Shit, I need to blog more. Signing off.