Whispers From The Heart

Back to what this blog was intended for; Thoughts, rather than rants about my life. I still will post random events in my life if I want to, on random intervals I guess. But otherwise... Yeah. Those kind of things get boring right? Not everyone wants to know your life story, but they want a place to contemplate and see views of the world from different angles or something.... Or I'm encroaching on the subject of chiminology again. >_>

Otherwise, I can confidently say that I'm probably, more or less, much happier than I was back then, on the posts that I have typed down and posted for the past two years or so. Heck, the posting rate was pretty low then. Its possible to read my entire blog in a sitting actually. And eh, if you want me to recall whatever event triggered me to do so, feel free to ask. I've got a wonderful long-term memory for names, events and small minor niches in life, but to balance it off, a wonderfully crappy short-term memory that somehow, rarely picks up homework.'

"WRITE IT DOWN IN A NOTEBOOK", the teacher would use to say. In the end, I end up not doing any of it again anyway. And when she demands the reason why, I can only meekly retort.

"I forgot I had a notebook for homework in the first place!"

Ah well.

True happiness is something that you'd only treasure after you've been in really deep... crap I guess. Sure, anyone can be happy, regardless of any factor. Be it race, gender or age. How happy you are? No problem. That would only depend on the occasion. Did you find a dollar on the floor? Did you win a PSP in a lucky draw? But what I'm gonna talk about, is treasuring happiness, one of the few things people don't do and willfully enjoy it, without truly treasuring the happiness that they're feeling, and just... basking in the moment, ensuring that the happiness lasts for as long as possible, continuing it wherever you are.

Some people just joke around, hop around, bringing about them an aura of happiness. These people themselves might not even treasure happiness. Sure, they like it. They're good at bringing it around. But are they grateful? Its a very subtle difference I've just picked up recently. With this... feeling of happiness I've always longed for, I try to keep myself happy, or at least smiling, no matter what the situation. I might not be the best joker, or consoler to keep anyone, or everyone happy, nor am I willing, or want to be some busybody poking around for problems to solve, or at least thats what people think.

There's nothing wrong with being concerned with friends, is there?

As months pass by, I've done more than adequate thinking about my own life, about my emotions and why I feel that way. In return, I think I understand myself a whole lot better than I used to. And in a way, I guess I've reached that point of maturity in which I can be a true slacker; being laid back and taking life in its stride and solving whatever problems that get in my way, one at a time. And the calmness that comes with it is always welcome, no matter what the situation.

Of course, that doesn't mean my negative feelings have mellowed at all either. They still float back, haunting me in their irregular intervals. But this time, I understand why I feel this way. And in the end, there's really nothing to fret about. Its just me really wanting something I can't have yet. Besides, there's always plus sides to being single, right?

Har har, yeah. Big boss Shaft wants a girlfriend. D=.

Then again, who doesn't right? XD

Otherwise, single-hood isn't bad either. As a slacker, it leaves me with much, much more time to recharge my social energies, considering my 'secret', double identity as a true introvert...

And at the same time, being a total, psychotic lunatic who gets nicknamed as COOKIE MONSTER in class. >_>

Bloody Kelly. >_>

Oh well. I guess playful innocence is always an ingredient for laughs and happiness. In my opinion, its never good to rush maturity and shrug off childishness as unimportant and even worse, unnecessary. How the heck are you gonna relate to your kid when you get one later in your life? D=. And god, what fun is life without being childish once in awhile? Otherwise...

If all else fails, go back to the basics of life before maturity, before emotions and hormones started to fuck around with your head, mental control, feelings and motivation.

If all else fails, cry. Laugh. Hop around like you would back when you were little, maybe wanting a little attention, or lying your eyes are dry when you shed a tear and pasting that smile on your face. And even when its pasted on, its sincere, in a way you don't want your friends to worry.

Ah, such complications life has.

And yet, such simplifications childhood brings you.