Move on...

Take a step forward, because thats all you need to get started.

2010-02-12T17:29:00.001+08:00

They say that you only realize the value of things only after you lose them, be it people, objects, privileges or just certain aspects of your life, such as perhaps, a relationship, family or school. Sure, its overused, and some might even put it up as cliche, but lets all be honest.

Things are cliche because they're true to an extent. If its used by so many, then it can be said to be some sort of philosophy, no? Something judged by many people over many decades, if not centuries, of the same expressions being used repeatedly in the same context. Some part of it must be truth, if not all.

And recently, I have lost something dear to me. Perhaps due to circumstance, perhaps due to how pathetic I was. Maybe I didn't treasure the moments. Or a good mixture of everything, really.

But none of it matters anymore; Its already happened. No point fretting and bawling about it, really. Only one thing matters; To move on.

Life ain't going to end anytime soon. And time isn't going to wait for my sorry, depressive ass to take its time to get up on my own two feet to walk the distance of my life. Its going to move on and on, relentlessly, no matter how many times I fall, or how hard I fall. Uncaring of whether my heart was shattered, my ego bruised, or self-esteem flushed down the sewers. Time will go on, apathetically, forever.

Well, until this soul of mine is snuffed out by some unnatural accident or natural causes, at least. I wouldn't be able to notice time if I'm dead.

I don't have many motivations, or do I have any aspirations or dreams.

I just want to live. Find my purpose or calling in life.

One step at a time.

Oh, one more thing.

Happy Valentines' Day, motherfuckers.

2009-06-12T01:06:00.003+08:00

Drown out the distortions in your thoughts, audible voices that can be understood, words among the sounds, distracting you, discouraging you from what you want to achieve from something. Or turning your attentions away from the solutions, the bright side of things. Instead, focusing them on the negatives of a certain event or happening, the consequences happening by your own two hands as you react to the stimulus, affected by the distortions.

Why can things never be so simple? There's always so many factors involved. A third party? Feeling torn? Choices? Is it really worth all of this shit I'm going to walk through?

Or am I really the cause of all this? Is it so hard to just wish for one thing and want nothing else more than that one, single thing?

Is it so bad to just be selfish, just this once?

Reality seems to say yes. Fingers point to you, even your own. Guilt wells up upon you, can you handle the burden? Thinking about the risks doesn't cut it anymore.

Then again, they never really do. What can happen, what can you do to avoid them, or solve them in the end. That should be the case. Risk-taking is one thing, managing it is another. Even so, too many people mistake one for the other.

Far too many, in more ways than one.

Love. The most oxymoronic word I've ever really seen. It can be so wonderful, yet so painful. Contradictions in one, beautiful word that most people even shirk at its mere mention to this day.

One-sided love is a pretty good example. You do it willingly, painfully. Without logic, without reason.

Its not the first time,

But it wouldn't be the last.

Shaft out.

2009-04-27T21:53:00.002+08:00

The song in the background of my blog plays through my mind, filling my head with memories as to why I created the blog in the first place. The memories that inspired each blog post, and the events that transpired after these very blogposts. The links that most of you wouldn't really know about, yet appear crystal clear to me, each post carrying an encryption of a chapter into my life, an unbreakable code, its answers hidden deep in my heart.

An abstract body of words, filled with emotion as I inscribe them onto the text box on the screen, the typing facilitating it as I mentally dictate, the speed at which I type ensuring that no idea or thought escapes and even so, the output is tame, with the soothing, background theme of my blog playing, constantly reminding me of the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

Once more into the breach, my friend.

Contemplation, fueled by the need to understand one's self, to fully comprehend the thoughts behind each emotion, the emotion behind each fragment of thought, and the physical output of these thoughts, how they manifest into mannerisms, actions, attitudes towards people. How they are expressed to those around me, how I seem to them as I do so.

Must I put myself through so much scrutiny? Am I not as imperfectly human as everyone else?

Contradictions, as thoughts crash into each other, agreeing yet disagreeing, your mind engulfed in the chaos of its wake, confused and yet, protected by a countermeasure that had been created together by your very mind and body, a by-product of many such internal conflicts within one's mind.

Do I embrace this apathy? This jaded feeling? Perhaps.

Or is it just a ruse? Something I hide behind to not show my vulnerabilities? Or so I think. To some, that very barrier I wrap around myself is nothing but a lie. A bubble of insincerity that I have wrapped around myself, selfishly, perhaps.

Contemplation.

Really though, who gives a shit. I'm just going to live life as it is. Imma let whatever fate has in store for me and fucking go for it.

And if anything...

I gotta be myself throughout.

Shaft, out.

2009-04-22T19:25:00.001+08:00

Pretty damned good. One of the best quizzes ever. Far from the teensy, angst-filled, obvious quizzes in quizilla.

http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:
You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

2009-04-15T01:04:00.002+08:00

Felt like doing a quiz.

No lying on the quiz.

Starting Time: 0106 hours

Name: Shafyuddin AKA Shaft
Sisters: 3
Brothers: 0
Eye Color: Brown/Black
Shoe size: 13
Hair: Black / Very slight tinge of brown under sunlight
Piercings: 0
Height: 175

What are you wearing right now?
Pants

Where do you live?
Singapore, Bedok

Favorite Number: 4
Favorite Drink: Iced Water
Favorite Month: June
Favorite Breakfast: Anything that warms the tummy.

***********Have You Ever***********

Broken a bone: No
Been in a police car: No
Been on a plane: Yes
Been in a hot tub: Yes
Swam in the ocean: Yes

Fallen asleep in school: Ho ho, alot.
Broken someone’s heart: ... Perhaps.
Cried when someone died?: Nope.
Fell off your chair: Yep.
Sat by the phone all night waiing for someone to call: I guess so.
Saved e-mails: Yes
Been cheated on: Hmm... Yeah.

***********What is************

Your room like? : Corner by the living room. <_<
What is right beside you? Blanket, Pillow.
What is the last thing you ate? : Rice + Meat + gravy

———————-Ever Had- ————————-

Chicken pox: No.
Sore throat: Yep.
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: Nope.

————————-Do You————————–

Believe in love at first sight?: Mmhm.
Like picnics: Always.

———————————————————

Who was the last person you danced with?: One of my ITE Classmates...
Who last made you smile?: Can't remember.

————————–Who—————————

Did you last yell at?: Mark Aaron Lee.
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?: Neither.

———-Final Questions————-

What are you listening to right now?: Blade Chord - Abingdon Boys School
What did you do today? Bathed, ate, drank, took the bus, train, talked to friends, got myself into my project groups, talked, socialized, got my ass home.
Hate someone in your family?: Not really.
Diamond or pearl? Pearl.
Are you the oldest? Nope.
Indoors or outdoors: Both are fine.

——————Today did you———————-

1. Talk to someone you like?: Kinda.
2. Kiss anyone? Nope.
3. Get sick? Sore Throat + Cough
4. Sing? Yep.
5. Talk to an ex? What ex? <_<
6. Miss someone?: Mmm...
7. Eat?: Yarr.

—————-Last person who——————

8. You talked to on the phone?: Nafika

9. Made you cry?: Huh.

10. Went to the movies with? Hua Wei?

11. You went to the mall with? Tako.

——————Have you——————-

19. Been to Mexico? No
20. Been to USA? No

——————-Random——————–

21. Have a crush on someone?: -sigh-
22. What books are you reading right now? Textbooks. <_<
23. Best feeling in the world? Satiation.
24. Future kids names? Hurr hurr.
25. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? -points to self-
26. What’s under your bed? Air.
27. Favorite sport(s) to watch?: Hmmm.
28. Favorite place: Home.
29. Who do you really hate?: Arrogance.
30. Do you have a job?: Nope.
31. What time is it now? 0117 Hours.

2009-03-28T22:13:00.003+08:00

-takes a deep breath and starts to type-

Emptiness, melancholy, sadness yet somewhat satisfied, hanging around, strummung the guitar practicing chords 'till your fingers get sore from the fresh, stiff strings. The amateur fingers still soft, calluses unformed. Playing the same 4 chords over and over, attempting to quicken the transition between E minor, C, G, D. Playing it with different self-experimented strumming patterns, with two different picks, and his uncallused thumb, struming backwards with this thumbnail to create some sort of an echo.

As he tried his best to do so, his mind wandered, to his past, present and his possible future. The possible consequences of his every action, how it would affect possible aspects of his future. His thoughts distracted him, as the pick slipped past his fingers and right into the gaping hole of the guitar's main body, as the strings echoed the mis-played chord into that very same hole.

"Fuck."

He sighed, as he turned the guitar over, shaking it and moving it in various positions to get the pick out. By the time he did, the pain in his fingers had fully surfaced, and he put the guitar to rest for the day, laying it against his TV, noticing his red finger tips and the impressions the strings had made upon them, wondering when the calluses would appear.

He sat on his bed, leaning on the rough wall, as he looked upon his laptop.

The various programs, clients he had on. The people on them, or not on them. Not replying to his messages. Did he do anything wrong? He would never really know. They wouldn't reply. With some form of guilt welling inside him, he sighed. It was pointless to worry. It wouldn't do anything. Perhaps he would find out some other time.

He had learnt to smile through the disappointment, discomfort or guilt. Sulking did nothing but worsen his mood, negative thoughts welling up. Smiling? Was he lying to himself?

Eh, what else was there to do? Smile and live another day. Its not like the world revolves around him. As he'd always repeat to himself, and others.

"I'm just another man."

Leaving a few messages that he wouldn't be back for two days, hopefully, the person he addresses it to would at least read it.

Shaft, out.

2009-02-14T21:08:00.001+08:00

Happy fuckin' Valentine's, people.

Here's a song from me to you. <_<

http://www.mediafire.com/?juzixfw3dl2

Enjoy.

2009-02-13T11:17:00.002+08:00

Stuff happens. I observe more human behavior, I learn more about them. And not like its all-godly either; I get affected myself, one way or another, inside.

Epiphanies, realizations, of certain things in life that can or can't be helped. That can or can't be done. Why certain things happen, and why they can't. And of course, the obvious;

Life is fuckin' unfair.

Before I end this short post though.

Don't underestimate OR overestimate each other's places in a relationship. Takes two hands to clap afterall.

I'm done.

2009-02-04T20:50:00.003+08:00

The word flame would be too strong for that mild reply, really.

Otherwise, I don't really care who you are, or how you are. You speak as if I've never been in desperation over a girl. I claim? Not really. The word deduction would be more accurate. One SMS? False. I read more than that. Oh wait, you contradicted yourself there.

Judgement? False. I'm not worthy of such things. An opinion of you would be a much more accurate term.

Save your pity for yourself. I've fallen into that rut once, it cut deeply, and so far, I've learnt a pretty good lesson. I'm not as "completely selfless" as you are. I'm a self-righteous bastard who really, could rip off any affection for the girl I "love" if I feel the need arising to. Would hurt later, possibly. But I still have my dignity and pide to hold on to.

Shaft, out.

For the one who's concerned

2009-02-02T15:09:00.002+08:00

For that certain person who might want to know who "Shaft" is after she SMS'd you that she was meeting me; Welcome to my little blog here.

I would really love to clarify that me and her are nothing but close friends, more of a sworn sister than anything else. I've known her for 3 years now. If there was anything that could happen, or would happen, it would've happened in those 3 years back then. I'll swear that on my pride.

Also, you should consider yourself a lucky bastard for her saying yes to you even though she's known you for less than half a year, really.

Now, she's said yes, and has given in to your demands and petty "rules". Subjected herself to your expectations of "rules of a relationship". Please, thats not even fuckin 'natural. I'm not gonna mention names or groups here. You know who you are and what the afforementioned rules are.

You practically switched from an angry man, to throwing a hissy fit, before you started begging. Make up your mind. If you want to change, do so. Being posessive like that does nothing healthy for your relationship. Why am I poking my nose through this? Its because I would really, really hate to see her feeling sad, irritated or threatened.

She is beautiful for who she is; Straightforward, self-centered and blur, sub-consciously mature, but unwillingly so. Not when you twist her to your whims, while you claim to change, despite being petty and posessive even when you claim to give her "Freedom".

Grow up man. I'm sure you're way overdue to read the paragraphs above written by some 18-year old guy whom you don't even know.

Shaft out.

Because I wanna know how stupid I am.

2009-01-29T23:19:00.002+08:00

And I wanna get my head off work for awhile.

[ ] You have tripped a couple of times
[x] You were looking for a certain object then you realized it was on your hand
[ ] You have been hit by a ball in the head
[x] You have failed in P.E. class
[ ] You have been electrocuted
[ ] You have been called STUPID
TOTAL: 2

[x] You keep on forgetting what you are about to say
[ ] You've worn your clothes upside down a couple of times
[ ] You swim then you realize that you're losing breath
[x] You opened the fridge instead of opening the cupboard
[x] You thought Ricky Martin is straight (HE ISN'T?!!!)
[ ] You laughed and laughed then you choked
TOTAL: 3

[ ] It will take you more than 10 seconds before you realize that a joke is either funny or not
[x] Your keyboard is black, the lights are turned off and it's dark. You still tend to type.
[ ] You have no idea what an Xbox is
[ ] You don't know how multiply works
[ ] You kept writing but later you've noticed that you do not know what you're writing.
TOTAL: 1

[x] You know you're the only one in the class who has that name and yet you ask the question: who, me?
[ ] You don't know what he/she is talking about and yet, you still say YEAH.
[x] You don't know what's the difference between BOMBAIS and MUSLIMS
[ ] You were about to go out from your house when you felt that you have no underwear
[ ] You forgot to wear your shoes
TOTAL: 2

[ ] You don't know where you live.
[ ] You only know about 1/4 of the roads in your city
[ ] You don't know a single element
[ ] You don't know what an iPod is
[ ] You see a sign that says don't touch but you still touch it.
TOTAL: 0

[ ] You do not know what your name means
[ ] You don't have an idea what sims are
[X] You don't know what NEWS means
[x] You fell off your chair
[ ] You fight with someone, but you don't know what you're fighting about.
TOTAL: 2

[ ] You still don't know if a tomato is a fruit or a vegetable
[ ] You don't hear a thing when someone is shouting at you
[ ] You say what and huh a lot
[ ] You’re using a calculator to see your score in this test
TOTAL: 0

GRAND TOTAL: 10
Now take that number and multiply by 3!

30% huh.

Lifelines

2009-01-28T23:04:00.002+08:00

Once in every while, I would consider the deletion of this blog. The lack of reactions from people who might read my blog, which in turn spurs the intention to just wipe this blog from existance. Why should I try to write something when people don't read it? Would it really help anyone if they read this, or is this a place to vent my own frustrations, rallying support to myself, or just ranting like a wuss?

But alas, no. I don't rant without some insight into it. I'm not turning this into a conventional blog of "MY DAY WAS FINE/CRAPPY/NOT BAD/HORNY". A reflection of my selfish, inner thoughts. But then again, its also for that very reason, people might not have an interest in my blog. Because its not conventional.

Deletion? Not deleting?

Nah. If all else fails, I'd rather read it myself. Whatever happens, the emotions I'v placed in the earlier posts are still real. It'd be a shame to let it die just like that.

I am...

2009-01-22T23:57:00.003+08:00

I am just a normal man, walking on this Earth. I'm no one out of the ordinary. I was born like any other human being. With innocence, with emotions, with faults and in-born strengths. Keys to certain choices I have to make as I walk on the path of fate and destiny. More keys are given to me as I grow, guided by my parents, family and the society around me, as I further advance to school. And soon, my mind was my own, and I took control of what I wanted to do, learn and not play attention to.

As that happens, I start using the keys given to me, opportunities opening up new paths that I can choose to access or ignore, while not stopping at all, as time waits for no one. With influences from childhood, my own free will and the keys that I have been provided with, I walk on the path, aquiring new keys as I go along, possibly losing a few keys on the way. Occasionally, people who matter join me on the path, either helping me or kicking me off, but time waits for no one, and I move on with the best of my ability.

And I guess thats one way to think about life. At least before I start on my blogpost.

-sigh-

How do you define someone to be "better" than yourself?

Capabilities? Looks? How far he or she would go for love or friends as compared to you? At certain activities? Morales?

To be honest, I don't know.

Perhaps he or she is regarded as better whenever you feel envy towards the person. He or she can go so far for a loved one as compared to you. Perhaps he or she has better luck or circumstances.

A better person? Really. What defines he or she as such?

Then again, who cares eh?

Anyone wanna slack somewhere?

Fucking Quiz

2008-12-24T14:43:00.002+08:00

Skip this for a meaningful blog post.

#1 The first person who tag in your blog is?
Tako.

#2 Your relationship with him/her?
What?

#3 Your impression of him/her?
Hyperactive.

#4 The most memorable thing he/she had done for u?
None.

#5 The most memorable thing he/she said to you?
None.

#6 If he/she become your lover you will
Laugh like hell at the impossibility.

#7 If he/she become you lover, thing he/she has to improve will be
Nothing.

#8 If he/she become your enemy, you will?
Not care,

#9 If he/she become your enemy, the reason will be?
Offend my family, friends or whatever.

#10 The most desired thing you want to do for him/her now is?
Buy her vitasoy that i promised/owed.

#11 Your overall impression of him/her is?
Carefree.

#12 How you think people around you feel about you?
"Looney."

#13 The characters that you love yourself are
None.

#14 On the oth contray, you hate yourself are?
Lots.

#15 The most ideal person you want to be is?
Me.

#16 For people that care and like you, say smth to them?
Thanks. But I doubt they are.

#17 Pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wished to know how they feel about you. Pass to people with blogs only.

I refuse to burden anymore with this needless quiz.

That is all.

Random eh?

2008-12-21T02:04:00.002+08:00

I was clearing my inbox and sent items, just looking through the past 2 years of E-mails that I had sent.

This one particularly touched me, and I guess I'll post it out here. This is me, sending this to a few people, back on 8th of march, year 2007.

>Pretty much, the past few weeks of the holiday have been absolutely boring, without any good conversations going on, or the chance of having one, for the entire month. I've patched up with a few people, and I feel good I guess, as I do get a little farther from certain people. Its a little balance I guess. I can't be with everyone, despite whatever I do. Its a little hidden secret of mine that I actually want to be friends with everyone for the longest time possible without losing contact, despite how I seem to be a little distant. But at times, I just wait for them to message, only finding myself having to start it first, but ending up failing as the person is already flooded with messages, or one way or another. Lack of time maybe, but eh. Rofl.

Time has passed, people have matured. And I got over things already. Sure, I still got my usual jealous urges, but I'll have to get over it sometime. Life is life, its never really fair for some people at certain times. I'll have to accept that for the little realist I want to be, I strive to be. Despite its little "conflict" against my so-called horoscope, Pisces, as it mentions that Pisces people are usually dreaming and love to fantasize. And I admit, I do fantasize. Meeting people like you, wondering what we'd do, and so on and so forth. Fantasies galore without any of them having a chance to come true. I guess its isn't healthy, but its how I... "live". Its how I think. Its how I will be until the day I die.

And instead of whining, crying, not accepting the fact, I'd rather take it head on and grit the discomfort away. Because nothing I do will change anything. I'll have to stick to one designation throughout everything. If people are happy, then so am I. I tell myself that all the time, almost lying to myself. It'll be alright if they're happy right?

But there's always that little disappointment you feel for not being the one for her, or that person. Maybe you want another shot at it, possibly with a different person. But you can't wait. Time passes so slowly, painfully but nothing happens at all. I'm prepared for that possibility, planning out my life as minimally as possible with maximum flexibility just in case anything happens. But otherwise, I'll be living a pretty standard, boring life. Donating what extra I have off my paycheck to orphanages, buying video games when off work and making friends and doing what I do best to most people; Be their best buddy.

I understand that to most girls, I seem more like a big teddy bear. The best friend that doesn't mind listening to every single thing they say, always looking into me for insight on the opposite gender. And I accept it. Even if most of them do not look any further than that, its what I am. All attempts at showing off my inner side have ended up imploding in my own face, making myself pissed, disappointed, filled with envy and just... dejected.

But thats what living a life is I guess. Experimenting, adapting, getting to know people and circumstances better. Its a painful yet somewhat enriching process. And yet, you have to wonder; why am I writing this E-mail? Maybe its because I trust you. Maybe its because I wanted you to get your mind off things. Maybe I wanted to just express myself to someone whom I admit, is somewhat stronger.

For someone like me, Its hard for me to actually accept I bared myself to someone. Its a little degrading in my mindset to submit myself, or open myself up like this, somewhat. I've always wanted to appear strong, helping out in whatever way I can. But I've never really had anyone to do the same with. And ironically, the people I help. I long for someone who can help me in the same way. But like I said, we'll see what time has in store for me, and for you.

I've got no idea how I wrote something this long, but there you have it. I actually did. Maybe you can write about how I am to you, maybe you can express yourself. Maybe you can say how my ideas are childish or just noble. Its all up to you. Heck, you don't even need to reply if you have something else to do. I guess thats fine, and I'm used to it by now. Your happiness is prioritized over my own at any time, despite whatever I think it might be.

- Shaft

2008-11-05T01:01:00.002+08:00

For 2 blog posts, skip this post.

Otherwise, quiz I wanna do.

Currents
Current mood: Malevolent. Belevolent. Contradictory. Contemplative. I don't know.
Current taste: Mom's Curry Chicken.
Current clothes: Pants.
Current desktop: Sakura Izayoi, Hong Meiling, Patchouli Knowledge, and the Scarlet Sisters.
Current toenail Color: Neutral.
Current time: 1.03 AM
Current thoughts: ... I need to sleep.

Firsts
First best friend: Zulfadli Zameer. Friends in our respective mothers' tummies, friends when we got out and breathed the air, and friends 'till the end of Primary School.
First crush: Shafika from Kindergarten, I think.
First movie: In the theaters? Tarzan Malay Dubbing. >_>
First alcohol: This year.
First cigarette: This month.
First time clubbed: Never. Don't think I will.
First partner: None.
First kiss: None.
First lay: None.

Lasts
Last cigarette: Last Saturday.
Last alcohol: June?
Last car ride: Last Thursday, with Mr Herman.
Last crush: Go figure.
Last movie: VCD-wise, The Three Kingdoms: Ressurection of the Dragon. Theater-wise, Kung-Fu Panda.
Last time clubbed: Never.
Last partner: None.
Last phone call: Irsyad.
Last CD played: Too long ago.
Last song played: Some UI-70 Remix.
Last person kissed: Never.
Last lay: Never.
Last place gone to: ITE West (Clementi)

Have you ever
Have you ever dated one of your best friend: Yeah, I have.
Have you ever broken the law: A few times.
Have you ever been arrested: Nope.
Have you ever been on TV: Kind of.
Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: Nope.
Have you ever had sex with someone you don't know: Funny.
Have you ever did drugs: Hell no.
Have you ever masturbated: Any man who says no, is obviously lying.

Places
Places you can be always seen at: Home, School.
Places you like to go: Beach, anywhere with fresh air, a nice lake, a pier...
Places you'd like to visit: Japan, Europe, I dunno. I prefer staying local.

Things
Things you like to eat: Anything edible. But Mee Rebus is in my mind for now.
Things you like to do: Slack, Chat, Discuss/debate, play computer games, sleep.
Things you do when you get bored: Whine.

___________

I don't feel like tagging. Just not who I am.

2008-11-04T21:42:00.002+08:00

A set of Random Scribbles I wrote in my notebook on the 28th of October and today.

28th of October

It might be important to make sure your message gets across. Things might turn out to be more or less than they are supposed to. Give and take. Imperfections are the key to being unique, not bind by the social standards of mankind's communities.

Having nothing to do might be boring, but always take the opportunity to rest, recuperate and reflect on what has happened in your life. I guess that's how you "treasure every moment" in life, in a way. If all else fails, resort to the way you were before your hormones started raging and the strong attractive feelings for the opposite gender started appearing.

________________________

For Today.

Sorry seems to be the most used excuse ever known to man, admitting that he has done something and yet, is not able to doa nything to make up for it or reverse the consequences of the action that he has done. A single word that brings about different amounts of effectiveness, depending on how it has been used, the amount of times and the tone/situation its used at.

But the fact remains that such things can never be the same again. There is close to no such thing as complete forgiveness without some sort of doubt. There will always be that small fragment of trust that will be hard to regain. But in most cases, the opportunity to do so will never appear. In the end, regret might be the only thing left.

Prevention better than cure, eh?

Its time to face the facts; I'm most definitely NOT part of anyone's fantasies, I'm unattractive, I've got a weird BO, I'm weird and I'm probably temperamental.

Then again, whatever. <3

2008-11-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

Love is to hate,
I believe its our fate.
Not to relate,
Nothing's too late.

There's limits to satisfaction,
Its time for emancipation.
Freedom is within our sights,
Lets step up, bring on the lights.

- Shaft

2008-10-27T00:35:00.002+08:00

You know, sometimes, we tend to ponder about the word "Equality" and every single aspect of it. Are we all really born equal? With equal opportunities and stuff like that? The only differences being that it would be up to us to grab these opportunities and make full use of them. And well, equality is one hell of a far-fetched word that's imperfect on its own. Used on its own, the vagueness it implies can be pretty much dangerous, if not offensive.

Are we all really equal? Mentally, physically, and in terms of charisma, both physical allure and just your attitude. The environment around you, how you were raised, influenced during your most impressionable ages as you grew up. Are all of these really "equal"?

I doubt it.

And so, we have people of different aptitudes. Those who can talk well, present well, those who can think quickly and yet there are people who are socially inept or unable to accept themselves.

On a side-note, its fuckin' amazing how I typed all of the above just to prepare for a single, selfish rant.

Otherwise, since I'm adhering to my weird "code" of blogging, which is to not directly refer to real-life issues, I'll just say the following;

Give and take; Everything's a fucking double-edged sword these days.

2008-10-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

I'm "that person" in your life that once helped you, was once your friend and once talked to you. I'm "that person" who listened, helped you and gave advise, offering a shoulder to cry on whenever you needed one. I'm "that person" who stood on the sidelines, watching you with a watchful eye, noticing your body language, before leaving a message on your phone if I get concerned, without anyone else knowing/noticing unless you tell them.

I'm "that person" who randomly seems like a close friend on certain days, yet so far on others. I'm "that person" who is never mentioned, never thanked and yet, doesn't seem to mind at all, helping others with their lives, seemingly as if his own was perfect, if not filled with flaws everywhere.

Ending this with a last note;

I'm always there, the door's always open. "That person" is never too far and even if he's busy, has some time to talk over the phone, or message you whenever he can. He is human after all.

PS: Shit, I need to blog more. Signing off.

2008-09-16T22:31:00.002+08:00

To any of you reading this blog.

Any emotions spilled in this blog, stays in this blog. Angst, disappointment and even happiness, they remain where they were written. The blog is to reflect my inner self, my own issues without affecting the people around me negatively. It is my own private, sound-proof corner to scream out at the world at, to pound my fists at the cushioned confines of my own mental walls.

But to use this blog as a measure of my current mental state, to use whatever emotions I have portrayed here to be an extension of who I really am in life in anyway, is like opening the door in that silent-proof room that I've created in my mind, in this space of the internet.

If you don't want my emotions to get in the way, simple.

Don't mention them, at all.

2008-08-26T22:43:00.004+08:00

Thanks to Melissa for showing me this back long ago. Just remembered about it a day ago.

Touching eh? The handshake in the vid... Maybe used for October. XD

2008-08-25T22:08:00.002+08:00

Split between entities in a single body.

The person you want to be.

The person you're born to be.

The person you're raised to be.

Consolidating them into a single consciousness, but no matter what you do, they end up splitting up into two halves. The conscious half, and the unconscious half. Both equally positive and negative, yet mixed up. Positives of different entities and negatives of different entities, all equally distributed among the two trains of thought running through my heart and soul. They exist like twin dormant volcanoes, creating a unique landscape of your characteristics and personality. Making you stand out from the rest. Sure, you're similar in many aspects, but different as well, due to the strange, yet equal mix between the positives and negatives of both consciousnesses.

And when both don't get along, watch them erupt like never before. Yet, your soul struggles to keep the eruption in check, holding it in, as your body reacts by being jaded, empty, apathetic to most.

But every single time they erupt, they grow even larger, previous layers of ash piled up after multitudes of eruptions.

Will they finally grow tall enough, that an eruption wouldn't be as violent as they used to?

Would they finally grow and shape themselves as a single volcano?

Time will tell.

2008-08-25T20:59:00.003+08:00

Maybe I should just blog about my days and feelings for the day, rather than wait for some overly complicated epiphany before I write stuff. XD

Things started as usual, with me sighing as I dragged my ass to the toilet to bathe and all, getting myself nicely dressed and perfumed before I headed out. Met Lya, and skipped off to school. Chatted as usual, despite the MRT being totally crowded for some reason today. As people tell you things, sometimes, you wander off in your own thoughts, distracted by the possibilities that might happen. What if that situation happened to you? Possibilities, placing yourself in the shoes of the people who are involved, be it the very person telling the situation about you, the victim, or the consoler that probably told her what to do.

Maybe your opinions might have differed. Maybe you'd agreed and would've said the same thing.

Then again, you also wonder.

"Why the hell is my life so uneventful?"

Sure, yawn every single day, shake your legs and spend hours listening to game Soundtracks, music and whatnot, just whittling time away, waiting for the moments that truly matter, or when people need you.

Why not right? XD

Leading a carefree life of "Fuck it" to most obstacles, but dealing with them as you go along with life with the most appropriate amount of effort and passion, BUT as though looking as if you used the LEAST effort and had the least wear on your emotion. Thats the person I want to be, I can be and WILL be.

I want to be there for people, to help them along the way. To see them being successful when they can. Me? I guess I'll just lead a good, stable life. I can't really ask for more.

A girlfriend? A wife?

Bonus options, maybe. But not a requirement. XD

I always say that I'm meant for the older generation. Just work in some bloody farm, get a wife, work work work, get some babies, work work work, get my children to work for me, die of old age.

I mean, its simple. XD

2008-08-05T00:19:00.002+08:00

Agree or Disagree?

Instrumentals can possibly help more than lyrics do for the damaged soul.

For lyrics, you start UNDERSTANDING what th song is from the lyrics. You start relating, reminding you of certain things that might make you feel worse or calm you down. But being a mixture of both, it usually slows down the healing process, no matter how soothing it might feel. Instrumentals, including rock/metal ones, not just the classics, are different.

The understanding is subconscious, not obvious. You either calm down or get worked up, but from the inside, meaning the rate of it happening is much more gradual, natural. The emotions evoked from the notes, the beats, the rhythm is natural, coming from a time when before language was formalized into the norm. This is almost the opposite of spoken words, which are structured and limited only to the song that encases them.

I wouldn't say that Instrumentals are more powerful. Lyrics can be more powerful because it strikes your conscious. You know what you listen to; The meaning is literal. It strikes you while you are fully awake, triggering the emotions. Instrumentals however, bring you from the inside-out instead, further enhancing its ability to therapeutically make the person feel better.

Random thought. Comments? D=

2008-07-24T00:20:00.002+08:00

Holding back tears on the train, in the bus and back at home, sighing it away as I distract myself from my reservations, my own worries and negative emotions. About what I should do, need to do and want to do, organizing them from the cluttered, confused mass of thoughts that they were while I mingled, influenced and confused by encouragements and nudges.

Should I or shouldn't I?

Maybe I could've been faster. Maybe I should be less sloppy. Maybe I can....

Nah. Screw it all.

Back to the basics. Go with the flow, as I'd always say.
I kinda cracked under pressure, under the impression that not being alone for once would be great. Maybe I should try it. With the sheer realization of who I am though, followed up by the opening I made for my negativity, it tore through my soul, instigating the pathetic emotions of anger, sadness, dejection, regret and uselessness... And for what? Just because I can't get hitched?

Bah, pathetic.

Guess I need to go cover a few spots before I recuperate.

Out.

2008-07-23T11:01:00.003+08:00

I'd like to thank h0rse for the changes in the blogskin. XD

Though I did love the touch Angela placed in it, so I just... asked for minor changes, and he added a few personal touches. <3 Sakuya Iyazoi. :3
____________________________________________________________________
Writing this in class, since I don't exactly feel compelled to do work... And listening to Sakuya Izayoi's theme (the UI-70 remix) has gotten me pumped up enough to gather enough thoughts/emotions for a post. I pour out too much at a time to post often. Maybe I shoudln't pour it all out at once. >_>

I'll edit in a picture later. Internet speed here is like me doing something I don't like. Rofl.

Then again, there's so much you can really explain about emotions. In the end, its one huge vicious (or sweet) cycle, with reality always catching up to kick you in the arse, telling you not to take your own time with certain things. Poo. Then again, time stops for no one, right? And I guess thats kind of common sense, no need to remind myself and all of you out there. Hurr.

Its back to the same old doubts and the dreadful feeling that I'm no good enough for something, or someone. Or just... don't want to do it. Rofl. Its unexplainable, my subconcious telling me things that I usually wouldn't give a hoot about. I start caring, doing what I can to... "help". But in a way, I contradict myself alot. Thanks much, subconcious.

I'm pretty drained of stuff to write about, or motivation/inspiration to write or do anything. I'm pretty much "Dead", going along with what the flow of life pushes me along to do. Then again, I've been physically materializing it, craftign it into the laid back personality that I have. Though, as Ariel placed in her PM a week ago... "People should be like Tea..."

And I guess thats me for now. Or ever. XD.

Love-wise... Well.

I don't think I'll be chasing anyone, or doing anything about it for now. Why?" I just don't feel like it. :3

Shaft out.

I am...

2008-06-07T21:33:00.002+08:00

Hurr. Picture from Prom night, 14th November, 2007. (I took almost an hour picking a picture. D=)

Anyway, back to the topic at hand...

I've been reflecting on myself over the past few months, especially the period when I had no school whatsoever, thinking and reflecting and seeing what kind of person I had been over the past few years in Secondary school. Vowing to change whatever in whatever way that I can and I know, will be better for the people around myself. But for now, I'd like to post about how I see myself and how I understand myself in whatever way I can in words.

I'm an "everyman". I think of myself as someone who's probably into many, many things. I'm into literature, poetry, art, anything classical and civilized. Yet I'm also into rock, some rap. The modern stuff and culture. I'm interested in them as well. This has even taken root in my personality. Characteristics. And further confused me as to who I really am.

I'm pretty outgoing. I don't mind doing things for people. I joke, I want to make people happy, for them to smile. Maybe for some attention to myself, so I don't feel dead. I feed off attention, I want to be alive. But selflessly as well. Its not just the attention. Their happiness matters first. I'd hate to hinder their studies or anything as well, so I'd prevent doing anything to annoy them as much as I can. I pretty much fit into the class joker/slacker category, with me skipping out on homework, but still being "well-behaved" enough.

At the same time, I'm an introvert. I might want to be alone, to recuperate, to think about the world. About why human beings can be so harsh, yet so caring. The contrasts between different people and why they're different, but yet have such glaring similarities. Why is this so? The world around me at times, can be insignificant. I search for myself. Who I really am. What really makes me happy?

And about my imperfections, my perverse thoughts and how that has ruined a few relationships. Don't get me wrong. Relationships in general, be it friends or anything more or less, between people. My attitude. Selfish wants. My urges. Why?

Why am I such a fucktard?

Yet I love who I am. I don't completely hate it.

But I've worn down. A void has been ripped out from my heart and soul. I'm still to blame for whatever I've done to myself. And I can't be any more or less apologetic. But there's only so much the word "sorry" can do. The wasted time. The disappointment. The sadness. Anger. Any feeling I've caused others. There's only so much I can do.

I can apologize. Hate myself. Do something. But...

-sighs-

And yet...

I've become Jaded.

Carefree. Oblivious. None of it matters now. The past is the past. Things happen, people move on.

And all I can do, is hope they forget whatever I did, forget me, and live on their lives with a smile on their faces. But my door is always open to them if they so wish, though I doubt I'm ever good enough for them anymore.... I just want to do what i can, even if they make use of me as some... "back-seat" friend.

Like I said; I'm already jaded. If they're happy, thats good enough for me. Disappointment, sadness, anger. There's only so much these emotions can bring and do.

Silence. Calmness. Serenity. The things I want in my mind. The clarity to make the decisions that really matter.

And maybe one day, find someone who loves me...

... Harr. Huge laughs.

Shaft, out.

2008-06-04T15:45:00.002+08:00

When I first entered ITE, I had quite the positive outlook; I couldn't really give a damn about reputation or "face". I just wanted to start anew, to set things right. To make a good first impression. Not like who I was back in Secondary school.... Or at least not as bad. I still have my limits. ^^

Well, its been... Almost two months ever since I've been in Clementi ITE. Other than the daily rants that I usually had About MRT travel everyday from bloody Bedok (which I eventually got used to.), I pretty much love my class. Everyone gets along, no one really argues, etc... Sure, there's a few rough spots that have appeared later on.... But also, we've bonded and have gotten even closer. And thats really great. Within a few weeks even, all of us were already treating each other as old friends.

Despite the workload and all, life's been good. I'm still the carefree bastard I say I am (Yeah, no regrets about not doing homework, as usual)

Hurrr.

Shaft out.

2008-05-26T22:46:00.001+08:00

Ah well. Thats me on Sunday. Har har. Maybe I'll use a pic before every post like what a few of you guys suggested. Just like everyone else eh?

Well, otherwise... People think I've been sad or I've been hiding something from everyone else, or think that I'm disappointed with myself for being sacked from the Monitor position and all. No, I'm not feeling anything actually.

Just... blank. XD

Please understand; I have my own different sides too. ^^

Nothing much to post; I'm still blank.

Shaft, out.

Another. MEMEMEMEMEME. WHYYY.

2008-05-21T21:20:00.003+08:00

Once again, because of the different questions, I'll do it.

And due to boredom

___________________________________

#1 If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?

-Angry, Sad, Bitter, Vengeful

#2 If you can have a dream come true what would it be?

-... Yeah, hunk.

#3Do you believe in being in love forever?

-Laughable, blah blah.

#4 What do you want your friend to be like?

- Hurr. If they like me, I like them. :3

#5 What's your ideal lover like?

- Just someone who loves me, someone nice.

#6 Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?

- Being loved by someone.

#7 How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?

-Kinda depends. Not that long actually.

#8 If the person you secretly liked is attached, what would you do?

-If she's happy, I'm happy. But bite down whatever negativity that emerges.

#9 Is there anything that make you unhappy these days?

- The fact I feel that I'm not dependable enough.

#10 If you have a choice, what kind of family would you want to be born into?

- ... Maybe if I had a younger sister...

#11 Is being tagged fun?

-Not when its for quizzes. >_>

#12 How do you see yourself in 10years time?

-... Shaft. Duh.

#13 Who are currently the most important people to you?

-Myself. My friends. My family.

#15 Would you rather be single and rich or married but poor?

-Single and bloody rich.

#16 What's the first thing you do every morning?

- Sigh.

#17 Would you give all in a relationship?

- Take it slow, one step at a time.

#18 Do you live to love, live to hate or live for the sake of living?

-I live because... I'm alive.

#19 What type of friends do you like?

-... Friends. Rofl.

#20.If you're feeling low one day, who will you go to?

-Myself.

__________

DO IT IF YOU WANNA. DAMN IT.

ANOTHER MEME!?

2008-05-11T19:46:00.002+08:00

Tell me about it. -sighs-. But I'm bored, and the questions are slightly different, so hey. Why not?

_________

Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question. Make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list.list them out at the end of this post.Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

1. At what age do you wish to marry?
Huh. 25 and above?

2. What do you want the most now?
Just to lose some weight.... and cash.

3. Who is the person you trust most?
Myself.

4. List any 3 things about the person who tagged you.
Good, trustworthy and protective.

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Being a Hunk? >_>

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
Nope.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Sanity.

8. Do you believe in eternal love?
Laughable.

9. Are you going to Streetfest on 25th May?
Part of the Free Hugs team. >_>

10. What are the requirements that you wish from your the other half?
Fun, yet mature. Understanding.

11. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Obnoxious people, physical perverts and people who mess around with my friends and family.

12. Do you cherish every single of your friendship?
If the other party does, then so will I.

13. Do you believe in God?
Mmhm.

14. What do you see in your future?
Loneliness.

15. Do you find it a need for you to have a boyfriend /girlfriend?
I would -need- one to be truly happy, but its not exactly a need for survival, or to contain my sanity.

16. At this point of time, would you rather stay in your comfort zone or try something new?
Either.

17. What kind of friend you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
Someone dependable at all times.

18. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
-presses on flab- Yarr.

19. What's your weak point ?
I'm somewhat of a hyprocrite.

20. What are you doing now?
Eating. (Duh)

_________

ONCE AGAIN...

Do it if you want to.

Inability.

2008-05-07T20:10:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, you feel that you have this certain responsibility to keep the people around you happy. You'd love to be the one to do so, to be that very person to paste the smile on their faces. Or at the very least, even if its not a smile, manage to help them with whatever weight thats on their shoulders. True, there's no exact obligation to do so. But in a way, the responsibility is there. Just because you're friends.

And sometimes, when they don't react well, you feel as if you haven't done enough. Maybe you weren't good enough. Or maybe you feel you aren't... good enough as a friend. Sometimes, you feel bad that another person did it before you did. You feel inferior. True, its not exactly a competition. But the high standard you've placed on yourself to be that kind of friend to them, is enough to kill a small part of yourself.

Sometimes, I wished I wasn't this way. Cheerios.

-Shaft

Introduction.... Again.

2008-05-06T23:34:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me WHY I'm introducing myself again. Maybe its because everytime I do so, I feel like a totally different person from before? I think this is probably the third time... Its not my lifestory, I think I have that barely 5 posts below or something. >_>

I'm someone who's carefree. I don't get myself pulled down by the troubles of others, or if everyone else gets sad, thats their problem. Not mine. I try to remain calm, composed and if possible, reliable at all times, no matter what the situation, question or problem. Of course, I also want everyone to succeed, and most importantly, smile and enjoy their lives. I wouldn't call myself best suited for the task, or if I'm a busybody for doing so...

But hey, so far, no complaints eh?

But in the end, I'm not so perfect. My past is far from perfect. I've fucked up my fair share of things as well. And the only reason I'm like this now, is because of all the experiences I've carried and brought with me through all the negative experiences, all as positive reminders, if possible. I'm an introvert, yet an extrovert. I'm a walking piece of contradiction. Maybe I'll elaborate on that someday. And people say my posts are too long and don't make much sense. D=

Comments? T_T

2008-05-04T01:22:00.002+08:00

Doing this lame quiz (called a meme). Just doing this because she asked me to. >_>

1.How many children do you want?
- 2.

2.What you want the most now?
- A companion.

3.What do you want to be when you grow up?
- Someone who helps people, or is able to make the people around me smile.

4.If you can have 1 more dream to come true, what would it be?
- Maybe having less fat on meh body. >_>

5.What are you afraid to lose now?
- My sanity, my self-control.

6. Do you believe in being in love forever?
- Why not?

7.If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
- On the proper timing. Otherwise, no, or rarely so.

8.What would you do when you're feeling down and depressed?
- Just get some private time for myself to regain my composure, self-control and move on with my life.

9.What are the requirements that you wish from other half?
- Sincerity.

10.Which type of person do you hate most?
- Arrogant people, or selfish people.

11.Do you cherish every single of your friendship?
- Of course.

12. How do you feel about life now ?
- Could be worse. Gonna treasure every single bit of it.

13.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- Self-Control.

14.Do you find it a necessary for you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
- Its always a bonus.

15.What do you want your friend to be like?
- As long as I feel good being around with them, it's good enough.

16.What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
- That guy we can trust and rely on.

17.If you have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
- The aspect of procrastination.

18.If you're feeling low one day, who will you go to?
- Myself. Rofl.

19. Best childhood memory?
- Innocence, the lack of problems on my mind.

20. Are you happy with what you have in life right now?
- Always.

Instructions: Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question to make it a total of 20 questions. Then tag 8 people in your links list them out at the end of the post.Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged. Whoever does the tag will have blessings from all.

_______________

Do it if you want. I'm not gonna impose it on anyone. Thats just not... me.

Whispers From The Heart

2008-05-02T22:07:00.002+08:00

Back to what this blog was intended for; Thoughts, rather than rants about my life. I still will post random events in my life if I want to, on random intervals I guess. But otherwise... Yeah. Those kind of things get boring right? Not everyone wants to know your life story, but they want a place to contemplate and see views of the world from different angles or something.... Or I'm encroaching on the subject of chiminology again. >_>

Otherwise, I can confidently say that I'm probably, more or less, much happier than I was back then, on the posts that I have typed down and posted for the past two years or so. Heck, the posting rate was pretty low then. Its possible to read my entire blog in a sitting actually. And eh, if you want me to recall whatever event triggered me to do so, feel free to ask. I've got a wonderful long-term memory for names, events and small minor niches in life, but to balance it off, a wonderfully crappy short-term memory that somehow, rarely picks up homework.'

"WRITE IT DOWN IN A NOTEBOOK", the teacher would use to say. In the end, I end up not doing any of it again anyway. And when she demands the reason why, I can only meekly retort.

"I forgot I had a notebook for homework in the first place!"

Ah well.

True happiness is something that you'd only treasure after you've been in really deep... crap I guess. Sure, anyone can be happy, regardless of any factor. Be it race, gender or age. How happy you are? No problem. That would only depend on the occasion. Did you find a dollar on the floor? Did you win a PSP in a lucky draw? But what I'm gonna talk about, is treasuring happiness, one of the few things people don't do and willfully enjoy it, without truly treasuring the happiness that they're feeling, and just... basking in the moment, ensuring that the happiness lasts for as long as possible, continuing it wherever you are.

Some people just joke around, hop around, bringing about them an aura of happiness. These people themselves might not even treasure happiness. Sure, they like it. They're good at bringing it around. But are they grateful? Its a very subtle difference I've just picked up recently. With this... feeling of happiness I've always longed for, I try to keep myself happy, or at least smiling, no matter what the situation. I might not be the best joker, or consoler to keep anyone, or everyone happy, nor am I willing, or want to be some busybody poking around for problems to solve, or at least thats what people think.

There's nothing wrong with being concerned with friends, is there?

As months pass by, I've done more than adequate thinking about my own life, about my emotions and why I feel that way. In return, I think I understand myself a whole lot better than I used to. And in a way, I guess I've reached that point of maturity in which I can be a true slacker; being laid back and taking life in its stride and solving whatever problems that get in my way, one at a time. And the calmness that comes with it is always welcome, no matter what the situation.

Of course, that doesn't mean my negative feelings have mellowed at all either. They still float back, haunting me in their irregular intervals. But this time, I understand why I feel this way. And in the end, there's really nothing to fret about. Its just me really wanting something I can't have yet. Besides, there's always plus sides to being single, right?

Har har, yeah. Big boss Shaft wants a girlfriend. D=.

Then again, who doesn't right? XD

Otherwise, single-hood isn't bad either. As a slacker, it leaves me with much, much more time to recharge my social energies, considering my 'secret', double identity as a true introvert...

And at the same time, being a total, psychotic lunatic who gets nicknamed as COOKIE MONSTER in class. >_>

Bloody Kelly. >_>

Oh well. I guess playful innocence is always an ingredient for laughs and happiness. In my opinion, its never good to rush maturity and shrug off childishness as unimportant and even worse, unnecessary. How the heck are you gonna relate to your kid when you get one later in your life? D=. And god, what fun is life without being childish once in awhile? Otherwise...

If all else fails, go back to the basics of life before maturity, before emotions and hormones started to fuck around with your head, mental control, feelings and motivation.

If all else fails, cry. Laugh. Hop around like you would back when you were little, maybe wanting a little attention, or lying your eyes are dry when you shed a tear and pasting that smile on your face. And even when its pasted on, its sincere, in a way you don't want your friends to worry.

Ah, such complications life has.

And yet, such simplifications childhood brings you.

What I been up tew.

2008-04-21T20:48:00.003+08:00

SINCE I IS BORED.

I shall explain what I've been up to the past few months.

Well, other than just slacking my life away at home on my PSP, playing various games and the like, I've also made up my mind/decided to quit all MMORPGs and online games whatsoever. With that much time now free from the lack of anything to do, I now hang around a local Singaporean forum, namely SgCafe. I'm an active member now, and its been a good few weeks for me. I'd thank them for providing me with a good, healthy social environment to spend my time in, and for the friends they've brought me. I've become a much, much happier person now. ^^

ITE-wise, I've been made Class Monitor, and a few of them even call me Boss. >_>

Some call me Shasha.

RAWR.

I is picked on with the Sai Gang jobs. >_>

Dunno what else to do. Maybe I'll link to pictures next time? =3

REQUEST for them maybeh.

I is away~!

I IS BACK.

2008-04-21T20:19:00.002+08:00

As much as possible, I'll try to make a few changes to the font to make it clear, so people can actually read, lawl. WELL. I shall revive this blog!... And with it, need to trim off my links as well, so I can add the ones that actually still are alive/matter, and remove the dead links. Hopefully, that;ll rid of a few ounces of emotional baggage as well. Otherwise, there's a whole lot of things that I have to explain. Many things have happened since the last time i posted (duh, 4 months isn't a short amount of time), so I'll try to make it short, since I don't think I can do much with this degree of fatigue.

I've half-flunked my O levels.

English - A1
Humanities (Social Studies/History) - C5
Pure Geog - C6
Science (Phy/Chem) D7
Mathematics (E Maths) E8
Malay - C6
CCA - A2 - 2 Bonus Points.

I have about 26 points (L1R4 I think)

I is now in ITE Clementi, after most of my appeals didn't pass through.

Business Administration class, but god. ITS SO FAR.

I is not the only Bedok Green Secondary student there, but I shan't disclose their names, just in case its a shame for them.

Otherwise, I'm enjoying every single moment in class. <3

More details later, maybe. I NEED TO SEE WHO READS. D=

Arr.

-Shaft.

Too long...

2007-12-27T22:39:00.001+08:00

Its been too long. More than 2 months have passed since my last post. HAH, I doubt anyone's even reading this anymore. At any rate, I guess I'll post anyway, since I'm probably going to show this to more people in the future. But also, I've got nothing else to do other than to whittle my life away. Might as well do something "semi-productive", I guess.

I've struggled and done what I could for my "O" levels. Whatever regrets I had, I might as well fling 'em out of the window. Like I said, no point regretting. Might as well reap what I sow and handle it in the future, and plan better. I was in a slump for quite awhile, but with the abundance of time during the holidays, its given me more than enough time to think things over. Well, I can confidently say I'm much better than who I used to be, though I had to kill my own selfish reservations with things, I still have enough of myself to hate a few people who don't exactly deserve it. ;D

Though, I guess that doesn't really matter. Negative stuff never was fun to talk about to begin with. Well, with this much time, I've spent it all on my PSP, and friends whenever possible. Of course, cash has been a bitch as well, since my parents are gone for a month on their Pilgrimage to Mecca. I've been with my Sisters and my extended family, whom all have taken good care of each other. And well, cash being a bitch just means I have to watch how much I spend. Its not like they starve me or anything, mind you. ;D

Well, it has been two entire months after all, and I guess I do owe a few of you bored readers who finally check on what I've been doing. Well, not much, but I guess I'll list them out anyway.

The O levels were finally done, and most of us could barely wait for the Prom Night. I paid the $55 fee with my Hari Raya collections (That I can't even touch in the first place, so hey, its a win-win situation for me), and arrived at the location about an hour bloody early. Even so, the events began 30 minutes after the proposed meeting time, so there was plenty of time to cool off and relax in the hotel. The venue was the famed, Marina Mandarin Hotel. And god, did I love the Buffet. Damn. Top-class food with the prawns still quite "Rare" to preserve the crunchy-ness. Of course, not everyone liked the prawns like that. Can't blame 'em, most of us middle-class people tend to eat fully-cooked prawns that aren't even that "crunchy" in a sense.

Salmon, cakes, fruit... The buffet was heavenly.

The dance part though.... Fucked up. WHERE THE HELL WAS THE FORMAL DANCE MUSIC.

Screw RnB/rap/pop remixes. >_>

Well, other than that... If you want pictures, feel free to ask. Otherwise, I might post them up for the heck of it since no one might ask and I feel like posting them in the first place anyway. <_<>_>

2007-10-23T23:20:00.001+08:00

The void in the heart, the space left behind by someone dear. That space that sucks the light out of you, allowing the dark negativity to take over. What a way to start a little entry. But thats on my mind right now. The negativity engulfs you and you start ranting it out on everyone else for not being able to fill up that void. For this moment, you just feel selfish, you just want nothing else but a little cure to ease this pain. Maybe just someone to fill this void. Anyone willing, even. Desperation sets in. But you know no one will want to. At least you're confident about the fact no one will.

You try to laugh it off, gaining a little bit of the light back. Gradually, you gain it all back, the void being forgotten and put away for now. But it never fails to haunt you on certain moments. Always.

The feeling that you have failed your own expectations. The fact that things COULD have been different, but they aren't. It was best for the other person, but you got nothing but hard, cold loneliness. Self-pity wallows in yourself. But you know its useless. It does nothing but to make you feel worse. Taking a deep breath, you move on, pasting a smile to your face as you face your friends who know nothing about it.

And thats life for me.

O levels tomorrow. 3 weeks of slaving my ass off.

I'm done.

2007-10-10T21:17:00.001+08:00

Ah, the O levels are finally here. Stress levels are finally sky high (partially due to fasting) and procrastination is no longer an option. Fucking finally, I'm cornered. Can't procrastinate anymore. Gotta do what I need to do. Well, might not be that bad anyway. I just plan to do my best, study my best, get over with it and well, live a life. I don't really see this as an obstacle...

I'd rather save that for National Service approximately 4 years or so down the road. Oh yes, thats just sweet. Either way, this is important if I want to get into that Psychology course in Temasek Polytechnic. Having my desired course AND having it near my house is definitely a damned good bonus for me. I just hope the no cut-off points for it helps me out more than anyone else. Otherwise, I'll definitely do my best.

Of course, the same old problems still plague me, the little emotional "demons" of my past never fail to take up the correct opportunity to shove their hot little red tridents up my fat behind. God knows how they fit in anyway.

Sure as hell don't want to know.

This is one of the very rare personal posts I do, though I doubt anyone reads this often nowadays since I don't update it at all. Nothing new I guess.

Will say more if needed. Ciao.

2007-09-17T22:27:00.001+08:00

Dude.

I made a theory.

Our Uniform = Brown in Colour.
"Bedok green secondary school = Bamboo tree"
Principal keeps emphasizing we do things = Good school reputation.
So therefore, we = Fertilizers for school.
So therefore, brown uniform.

Randomized. <3

-Shaft

2007-09-03T12:56:00.001+08:00

How much can one actually hate him/herself? How much can such hate go? And even affect your own personal life? I guess it can. IT kills your confidence, your self-esteem and that, causes a chain of events that no one likes. Especially when it happens to them. Oh, it happens all the time for me, which is why I manage to shrug it off most of the time. Of course, I wouldn't say I'm totally immune to it. Its the opposite really; It happened so many times, I know what to feel, what to expect. Its just nothing new. You could say I'm half-numb to it already. Not really a good thing, but I'd wager it isn't that much of a bad thing after all.

With self-hate, comes doubting yourself, blaming yourself. Its the most justified manner of blaming. You can't give excuses to yourself; you know what they are and well, you deserve it. It is the worst kind of self-punishment someone can give him/herself. Cutting wrists? Nah, thats not emo. Thats being fucking retarded. Hope all wrist-cutters get tetanus and die of blood poisoning. Physical punishment sucks anyway.

Self-hate eh. Ponder.

My story.

2007-05-01T21:56:00.001+08:00

DISCLAIMER: This is a boring post about my life so far. If you hate me, don't like me, or get bored with longwinded crap, then get the heck out.

My name is Muhammad Shafyuddin bin Mohamed Basir, currently living in Bedok and I am 16 years old. This, is my life story. I was born to a average-income family, living in Bedok North, my mother having a Cesarean, in which she said (pretty recently, within a month) because I was goddamned stubborn. And I guess I still am. I went to a PAP-funded Kindergarten, and I met some fabulous friends (2 of which are STILL my friends now), and we faught our fair share of battles, including a small fight with a few Primary school bully wannabes. I was once caught talking too much, and was asked to teach the class. That wasn't so bad. Pretty fun, if I remembered right.

And Primary One came soon after. It was not a bad thing, really. Except for the fact I keep losing my stationery. All the time too. I remembered I had almost none left, except for my pencils... And it was during a fateful spelling test, in which I had no other choice, but to use my finger, wet with saliva, to erase something. My teacher found out later, and slapped me, telling me it was disguting. I remembered just giving her a blank look of innocence...

Primary Two went by quickly, very quickly. I could barely remember much. It was pretty straightforward.... Primary Three was influential, getting stuffed in the last class, made me see people and things I usually wouldn't. Of course, I was still the chatty brat I was. The male teacher, his name was... Mr Hazri? He used the fabled 1 Metre rule to slap the palm of my hand... and the ruler broke. That gave me temporary fame.

Primary Four, two schools merged, and I was now a member of some other school. Now in a class filled with unfamiliar and familiar faces, it took awhile to get used to again. But heck, it was filled with fun and experiences. Playing that mean arse in Oliver Twist, and getting slapped in the face for creating my own acronym. "Pee Pee (PP)" AKA Private Parts. That wasn't too pleasent....

Primary Five was the... "climax" of my emotions in that school. A fabled transfer student, one with such beauty, that almost the entire level (Entire Primary Five Cohort), all the malay boys had fallen for her, except those in the higher classes. I was at the border however, and I too, fell victim to her charms. I got even more attracted, during a camp when I was drafted in the same team as she was. I truely had a crush then, an immense one. But I preferred to remain friends, to keep quiet. I was just not good enough for her. I was a geek then, mind you. Glasses, high pants, fat, unfit...

So she didn't know. Untill one fateful day, it leaked. I only told 3 people, and only one would be the bastard to spread it. And so, you had all the boys in the level who liked her, bugging me, teasing me. I ran so slow, I couldn't catch them at all. I had never felt so... messed up in my life. My self esteem was very low. I'd throw temper tantrums, cry, scream. Heck, I cried in class everyday for months, seperated myself from the rest, blaming myself for being so pathetically lonely and alone. It just sucked, lets put it at that.

*Insert chain of events here*

A year passed, and well, I calmed down. I gave up running (I threw my heavy file instead. Worked very well, I might add.) to beat them down, and well, I slowly just got more positive. The other boys in my class. Heck, I got less geeky by as the months passed, playing soccer and stuff, spending time after school. And soon, it didn't matter.

Secondary One came after the PSLE, and I decided to totally turn into a new leaf, to forget how "emo" I was back then. It worked for the first few months, and I quickly made friends, being friendly and all. It worked. Heck, I got in too comfortably, maybe. I even had a crush again soon enough, giving her a Valentine's card. Ah, 3 years ago. All of it slowly started to fade, as I started getting those negative thoughts again. And in a year, I got back to square one.

Secondary Two was a messy year. My emotions got the better of me so often, I was blinded, silent, self-hating. It just sucked. I had so few friends, so little motivation. It was a difficult period. My "second" life over the internet didn't make it any easier at all. It just amplified it over and over. Details on this? Ask me personally. I'm too friggin lazy to write it all out.

Secondary Three, I was seriously back to square one. Giving myself a mental reform, changing all I can, I tried to at least. It was successful. I'd never been so happy in a long, long while. The negativity would float back once in awhile, but it was usually repellable. In that same year, I almost had her. The girl I loved. And then I lost it. My fault. I'm still currently thinking about it, but hey. Gotta look ahead and move on. That did allow a gap for the negativity, which, is still present.

Now I'm in Secondary Four, a mixture of positivity and negativity, both sides conflicting. So what are the choices I'll make this year? So far, its has not been so good at all... Ah well. We'll see what the future holds. Out.

Boredom

2007-03-22T22:06:00.001+08:00

Goddamn it, ever had those days when you really just had nothing to do? When you could literally sit infront of the computer monitor without much momvent, yet not really caring about it? I sometimes really wonder; these things really happen eh? Well, they're happening now, and its goddamned boring. Heck, its worse when you actually have a game or something to play, and you do the best thing ever concieved in an MMORPG; Sit down, sulk in loneliness and well... you actually alt+Tab out of the game and start surfing the net. No idea really, its just really sad. Something thats designed to waste your time, doesn't really waste it as well as it used to.

Yep, pretty sad when staring at your computer screen is mostly all you really do anymore.

Off to find more enjoyment eh?

And if you need porn; go wank untill it drops or something.

On a sidenote; Schools need to stop being so hypocritical, kthx.

2007-03-06T20:29:00.001+08:00

Shaft's pimp guidelines to getting a girl (Probably never will be put in action)

1)Buy things the girl would use.
Obviously... A ring or rose, wouldn't do. A ring might get annoying/too plain after a while. A rose would wilt.
Get something that might be "equipped on something she uses. A strap for her cell? A keychain for it?
Or BUY something she will use.
A watch? A handphone?
Practicality. <3
Besides. Handphonesl costs a few hundred. A ring might cost around the same.

2)Bring her to places where the greatest scenery is, but with the least spending. Top of a hill with a packed up picnic? A bike ride to the beach? Stuff like that
Or star gazing. =3
Of course, I go for girls who love such things, I won't bore them to death on purpose >_>

3)Don't even say "I want to be your boyfriend." Because if she wants to, she'll stick with you. Its better to say "I want to be together with you.". And when introducing, going "She's my future wife/Girlfriend" is bad. Saying "We're together" is better

4) Focus on one girl, and take it one step at a time. Don't force her to do things, just suggest, but don't go all mushy either. Be yourself, prioritize her more than yourself, but reveal more about yourself as a person, not your achievements, not your upbringing. BUT do so with equivalent exchange from her. All in all, you are trying to get to know her better

You have to prove you're willing to take care of her, you have the ability to stand on your own two feet, you're willing to love her, make her happy... and its not all just about babies.

And yes yes, even if the ladies like the cute little trinkets, rings and the like… Give it to them when you actually mean something to her. Don’t rush it, but don’t take too long either…

2007-01-15T23:24:00.002+08:00

Whatever happens, time will go on, everflowing, everlasting, never waiting. It is up to you to make the best out of things. Whatever happens, will drown in time. Memories will be there to stay on in your heart. Friends will be there for you for your soul, and for the creation of more memories. And family will be where you call home. Live your life knowing you lived it being yourself, and not as any other individual, and be proud about it.

-Shaft

Humans....

2007-01-11T21:24:00.001+08:00

I don't know whether I'm happy even being human. I look at other people, I look at society, I look at myself. I understand that all of them aren't perfect, the least of it being me but... I mean, whats the point of being fucking mean to someone for no reason? To brand a person lower-class or stupid just becuase he has less intelligence and scores less for academical results? To brand them stupid just because they're in EM 3? In the normal stream?

No, these parents need to go and die. I'm not going to apologize if one of your parents happen to be on a high horse, because I sure as hell will hate them as much as anyone else. Because its parents like these who pressure the children who are in these lower streams. This will lead to the loss of morale and motivation to study on. This should NOT be the case. And because of that, the MOE will be phasing this streaming process out of the syllibus. Does that mean the less academically inclined will have to study the same crap with these "smarter" students? No. They'll get even worse marks. And whats the difference to them? None. Maybe they'll get more motivation to try harder but... We'll see.

Isn't the human race fantastic? With all its flaws, phyiscally and mentally? Aye aye.

And now the debate whether being either a girl or a boy is harder. For this, I shall speak up for the boys, and not for the girls. As usual, you're welcome to leave your comments.

Boys have pride, which I know some girls have, but as for boys, their pride is very... fragile. As fragile as any vain person could be. This differs on the guy though, I guess.

You know what, fuck it. I'll just stop here. =3

A reason to be here.

2007-01-08T21:43:00.001+08:00

Correct me if I'm wrong, for my next post will be more towards the point of view of men, and less of women. HOWEVER, I am open to both point of views and I will sincerely appreciate both sides of this post. But since I'm a boy, I'm a afraid I'll have to do this in a slightly biased way, but girls can express themselves on the comments and tagboards anytime they wished. Most men are what you would call... Not as independant as you think. They need a reason to live, and they want to make sure that they'll do it. They want to make sure that they'll be happy doing it. Its a hidden weakness that most men have.

When men lose contact of that reason, the sole reason to stay awake, to stay there waiting for someone, they simply just lose any motivation. Don't get me wrong. They don't go pathetically emotional and start having suicidal thoughts. They're just more capable of sitting down, or lying down still, and staying there untill they have something to do, is all. They lose any general motivation to do much. They'll have enough to keep on living, but other than that, they'll lose any morale to do anything else.

This is most probably the lowest point in the life of most men. In these situations, the man would feel that he is of no use to anyone and that he can't do much. When he tries to do anything, he feels no sense of urgency, and infact, he doesn't even care much. Although this might differ depending on the task and who he's doing it for. Homework would probably be left behind, long forgotten.

Oh hey, guess what. I'm out of juice. If you want to know more, just drop a message. Maybe I'll write more.

Thanks Angela. <3

2007-01-06T18:07:00.001+08:00

I'd like to sincerely thank Angela for this beautiful blogskin she made for me. I owe her a meal. >_>

New year

2007-01-01T01:20:00.001+08:00

Ah, look, 2007 just came. School's in 2 days too. *sigh*. Ah well, gotta look forward to all the potential problems that might need to be faced. I sense a fruitful, yet stressful and... somewhat emotionally strained future. I can almost taste it. Not really too good but... Ah boy.

At any rate, "Happy" New Year. ^^

Unseen blessings

2006-12-30T17:25:00.001+08:00

Ever lost something, or can't do something, yet in that spare time you find something wonderful? I have. More than once even. Such events might mean losing precious or personal items such as your MP3 player, your internet access and such. It might happen in various ways even, ways that might be your fault, such as dropping that something, or totally not your fault. Like when you "Accidentally" dropped it, or its nature's fault. Yes yes, nothing's ever your fault, isn't it? =/

Ah well. In this case, I didn't have any batteries for my MP 3 player, back in school in the beginning of the year. That made me interact with people I have never interacted with in class. Hell yes, that small event is responsible for the group I have now, the group I totally adore and respect. And all in all, I have never regretted it.

For now, I'm wondering, I have a fucked down connection, now what is the blessing to it? Nothing much so far. Except I blogged a bit, changed the skin, re-liked a few people. Chatted more than usual. Heck, I feel good. A bit of internet drama from Ragnarok Online again, but hey, with positive stuff in that game to, nothing can get too bad... can it?

Ah well, I hope the lag ends soon. For the benefit of all people affected, especially the ones around the Asian continent.

Christmas eh?

2006-12-26T21:39:00.001+08:00

Well well well, being more of the internet chatty guy with friends around the world, than the mere socialites that stick to locals, its interesting to see the contrast of Christmas between Singapore, and the rest of the world. The differences are actually very glaring, and we Singaporeans can almost envy these people not from Singapore. I almost can't stress how different we are, so I'll just list them out here, and possibly say why eh?

As you can see, Singapore is an Asian country. Modern or not, Singapore is barely 40-ish years old, and to treat Christmas like a culture for the entire country, than just a religious, Christianity-based celebration, takes quite a long time to be accepted. Most of the parents in my generation are still old fasioned, and the generation gap is wide. Christmas to them is but a Christian affair. I've grown up to accept that fact too, that is untill I came to the internet. I can notice some of the new generation actually celebrating Christmas as a culture. Its mostly up to the person, but why not? I mean, in this time and day, more holidays would be good. Its a hectic society, working and slogging your arse off. More public holidays to celebrate and revel in good fun and happiness will be good eh? And the spirit of giving should be... somewhat voluntary. Then again, its up to the people who celebrate.

Well, from what I've heard from my American friends, it is more of a culture, a community event that the entire country celebrates. of course, for a few select people, it is nothing more than an annoyance, in which I kind of understand why. I'm not going to list down why, just go figure out for yourselves, or you can ask me why.

Ah well, why? Why the enourmous contrast? I guess this gap will close in the coming future, or will it remain the same? We'll see eh? We'll see.

No one sees the title because of my skin. =D

2006-12-22T23:13:00.001+08:00

Right right, I feel that I need to reinterate the reason for this blog existing, eh? Oh, I don't mind. Its always great to post something in this little, underused place. Then again, I also want to note that this blog is not a place where I state out my life. I have urges to, but not much. I might, but most of the time, no. I like my life to remain as private as possible, so people can still view me as having no life at all. Its fun. Yes yes, I don't need to tell them I went to an anime cosplay fair to watch nose-bleeding costumes everywhere. Nope, not at all.

At any rate though, this blog was created for the sole purpose of expressing myself to... whoever reads I guess. I have no idea how many, but doesn't seem to be much, counting from the amount of tags on my boards eh? Thats not too bad, isn't it? Well, it seems I used up too much fuel in my previous posts though, so posting will be slow untill I find a good piece of inspiration.

UNFORTUNATELY, GCE "O" levels are next year. That means my death is imminent, unless I start putting in some effort in my studies, in which I shall try to. Yes yes, for once I shall try. I might've failed, but it does't hurt to try again. Failing always hurts though. <_<

Well, thats my short post for today. I'm not going to put a notice up on my MSN. Later people.

Letsee...

2006-12-20T21:29:00.001+08:00

Well yes, its been long than a month since I really posted. I've been a little caught up in my own little mental struggle. You know, the usual mental changes as you grow up. Probably my old young self trying to fight the more serious and mature side of me. I'm not sure myself, its an endless vortex of different emotions. Oh c'mon, everyone will get that sooner or later. Everyone will be emo at least once in their lifetimes. Its nothing to shy away from.

Of course, I'm aware how annoying some overbearing emotional people can be. And yes, it can get quite annoying. So for you emo people out there, do try to whine to the correct people. Whining to some happy go lucky guy might just get you branded as annoying, while expressing yourself to another of your "kind" might make you his or her next best friend. Ah, aren't people just wierd? I guess thats how people really are, attempting to shun off those who are too different, and rally people who are similar behind them, or rally people who have similarities.

Of course, whatever happened to the belief; Opposites attract?

Then again, not everyone shares the same beliefs, I guess. Either way, even a slight friendship can be bonded with anyone, unless they're a total asshole, in which I think you're more than free to walk up to him and confiscate his balls in the most horrid manner. Of course, if you need ideas on how to do so, you can always come to me. I might be able to suggest more painful methods to prolong his suffering.

Uh wait, now where was I...

But there are just some people who don't "Click" with you, I guess. For me, I can't mix with those of my own race sometimes. I wonder why. I mix alot better with the chinese ones. Or is it the other way around, and they just don't mix well with me?

Ah well, it doesn't matter much. At least I've got some friends of my own that I can really trust eh? Its better than having a few good-for-nothing pseudo friends that leech off your charisma, then leave you behind when you push them high enough up the ladder for them to go on their own. Selfish bastards.

At any rate, thats how it is. Its funny how some online internet game has lot more drama than real life. Thats when you start to notice that you don't have any life at all. Its pretty sad, really. But I'd rather have something on the internet that cheers me up, or stirs my spirit, than rot in reality on my own, don't you agree?

I don't think I'm the only one who agrees on this though. <3

Still, thats because school's out. Sure, I appreciate the break, but to the point my brain doesn't work anymore? Gee, thats going to suck. My typing speed increased alot for now. In return, my handwriting has worsened by a whole lot. Not that its not bad enough anyway. I wished I could type for every single assignment I do. I mean, I type almost 10 times faster than writing. Worst still, my handwriting sucks. As my mom says, it looks worse than the footprints of a chicken randomly scratching the earth looking for food.

Ah well, what can I say. My mom has wierd malay idioms. Of course, she has one favourite one she loves to use.

I'm a forgetful person at times, and I really, really suck at keeping track of where I keep things around the house. When I do however, she never fails to say this line;

"Goddamn it. If your balls weren't attached, I wonder where'd you put them!"

I love mom. She's so harsh, that when I come to school, the only swears that affect me, are the ones that directly swear at my mom. Thats when I attempt to rearrange some of his natural features. So far, no one has done it yet, unfortunately. I'd so love to see how I could do it on my own. Especially with my bare hands. Oh yes.

Well, that ends my random post for today, my thoughts just flowing as I write this. I might not post for another long time, but we'll see how things go. I poured everything into my previous posts already, goddamn it.

*shakes fist*

End of the year...

2006-11-10T16:54:00.001+08:00

Well, months has passed since my previous blog entry, which also means many things have happened. Things that have made my day, be it a good one, or a very, very pathetic one. But then again, these things all teach you a certain degree about life, and its ups and downs. But no one can not admit, some of the things that happen in life, really suck. But have you ever wondered why you never treasure those happy moments? And would rather just have yourself shower in these moments? While you complain about crappy ones for god knows how long.

Well, there's no point hating crap happening to you, but never appreciating even a single bit of happiness thats in your life. I mean, you take pride in the major ones, but you let the little ones rain on you and take it for granted. Its funny how the human mind works in such a way. But I guess no one is perfect. But hey, who wouldn't like to be anyway.

Also, for the past few months, I've been calmer than I was. Handling the usual raging emotions with better control. But I still do get angry over alot of things. How I wished there were idiots who provoked me at the right time. I need some anger to be placed in good use anyway. Ah whatever.

Feeling...

2006-08-04T23:24:00.001+08:00

Post replaced, I was dumb earlier on. Emo tendancies came back. Wootz <_<

Well, for the most part, I'm doing fine fine fine, better than ever. Just a little 1-2 months after the holidays. Got the blues. I miss holidays. D=

Imma post stuff when I can, so stay tuned <3

Everyone...

2006-07-08T18:52:00.001+08:00

In a sense, the world was created the way it is, and believe it or not, its the most balanced yet perfect world, despite it having problems all over, and it seems that alot of people are infact, dying and so on and so forth. But all of this is part and parcel of life. I'll explain that in a second or so...

In a way, like most movies and lame-ass corny stories state, everything good must have something bad to balance it out. Just like how life must have its ups and downs. I strongly believe that in this world, everyone was created to do something, even if it might be generally evil in the eyes of others, it does make up job opportunities, and in a way, might actually do some good, even if it does alot more harm.

For example, some idiot goes on a rampage, hitting everyone in lets say, a coffee centre. It creates the need for someone to protect them. Poof, jobs created. Security guards, and the police once they detain him. For the people injured, poof, the paramedics are needed. See my point?

After a while, looking everything and a third point of view without bias and anything to cloud your mind might just be better at understanding the world. Trust me, it might be mofe fun than you think, in a way.

Like, litter bugs, which I think we are all familiar with, and a little bit of it is in all of us as well. What if we stopped throwing trash around? Would we still have cleaners and coolies? But also, this leaves one thing : Stereotyping is fucking stupid.

I place strong emphasis in the retardation of stereotyping in a negative way. Sure, stereotyping like lets say, the school jock, the joker, etc is fine. But things like the dumb ones or whatever from those who clean your trash everyday, is just crap. Everyone has a part to play, whether they clean your trash crap for you, or they serve as your maid. Everyone is equally important. I laugh at the stupidity, the blatent stupidity that some adults and a few of us teens place on marking people with such jobs, "stupid".

I believe instead, everyone will soon enough have a job to do, and a place to contribute in the society. Whats wrong about treating everyone fairly? Its not too bad to do. But face it even if your job sucks. You're still helping people in a way, are you not? For us who are still schooling, all we can do, is wait and do our work as students for now.

And yes, thats one thing I'm not exactly doing. I'm too much a follower of fate to actually do any work, but of course, I still do work. I'm not an emotionless savant or a certified psychiatrist. I'm still an average student who's physically unattractive. Just that I see things better for a reason, and I thank God for that gift. I hope everyone benefitted anyway. =/

Oh, I wrote this and sent this out a month ago. Please spread this to those you love, or you think might need this. I did send this out as an SMS a month ago as well.

Life is a thing we all go through, we all enjoy and savour.

Yet, at the same time, hate and loath. Its a journey that involves everyone around you, whether you know them or not.

But sadly, not everyone knows that life is a journey that we are all going through together.

They think they suffer all alone, and they wallow in their pain.

Some were made to lead, some were made to follow, some are pretty, some are not.

Some were made to listen, some, to talk.

Everyone is made out with a little bit of everything, but also a little bit more of something.

So don't be afraid to share, but don't forget to care.

You might just end up with someone you love.

Pass this around at your own free will, you needn't force yourself. =3

As you age...

2006-07-03T21:43:00.001+08:00

As you get older, everything doesn't seem the same anymore. You start to think more, understand more, and depending on who you are, your curiousity for such things and emotions might either diminish, or get magnified. But in the end, everyone gets mature, just at different ages and at different gradients...

About a year or two back, I spoke about being happy about the one you love. Oh how innocent I sounded, and how simple it seemed. I remember staying that if someone you love was happier with someone else, it was best to accept it, and be happy for her. I now know the feelings involved in such an occasion. The jealousy, the rejection, the self-affliction. Heck, its not even a pleasent scenario for me anymore. But it proves that every single day, I mature and learn something new. This goes for everyone, and those who successfuly commit suicide, are missing out on many things in life they could have experieneced...

However, this is how it may seem. We do not know what goes on in their heads, exactly how pressuruized they feel. It is true everyone has the same pain threshold, but mentally, that is not exactly true... Depending on how sensitive that person is towards the subject, it could either be devastating, or a minor setback, or even nothing at all. Its amazing how the human mind can control your emotions, and that triggers your hormones... and sometimes, vice versa.

And if there's something everyone can't do, is to unlock the secrets of the opposite gender. Sure, we can get to know their obvious perferences (all straight asexual boys will love naked women for example <_<),>

But with understanding, comes the real part of maturity: How you react to it. That is the final step towards maturity, other than how are you going to take it, like a complete wuss, or like a man. This of course, refers to men. I have no idea how you women would phrase it. =/

The rest, is up to you to figure out. Where's the fun in telling you everything eh? All I can do, is to just slightly clear the mist, and help you understand life a little better. For those reading, thank you, and may you think over this carefully. =3

Hmm...

2006-06-30T23:38:00.000+08:00

Heh, a glance at a few other people's blogs, and you can see that their lives isn't just as simple as you think. Raging emotions, urges, feelings and relationships with other people. You know, they happen anyway. Its just that sometimes, it might just have an impact on others too.

At any rate, I'm grateful for having a simple, yet boring life. And its simple, just don't even care about the negative things. Sure sure, easier said than done. But who said it was impossible? Even then, as teenagers, and as a feeble human being, everyone has their limits to controlling emotions. So don't be discouraged if you do succumb once in a while. But there's a difference between noticing a comment that means you have to change for the better, or just something to put you down. Whoever cares about what other people you don't know think of you? Its not as if they will matter in your lives anyway. Even if they might in the future, leave it to fate. For the time being, they don't matter.

Its like taking the Apathetic part in being emo, but without being selfish, and caring for others if they need to. And yes, even if you might not know them, but being the reason of making someone's life more entirely easier for that day, is just good for you in one way or another.

Still, this road is razor-thin, and you have to stick to the middle path. But of course, no one can run away from the inevitable choices you might have to make in life. Just be warned, every choice you make, may be similar to opening Pandora's box. Heck, it might just affect your life, or the way you feel about yourself or someone else...

Yep, it can be as simple as reading a crush's blog entry. =3

So watch out what you ask for, or what you might want to read or do. It might just affect a long period of your life.

So whenever you see someone stuck in a rut, do ponder about it. It might just be that he or she "deserved" it one way or another, or fate has just something in store for 'em...

Good luck in life's journey now. =3

Well...

2006-05-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

Today was a good day. A better choice I made in the morning, was wearing red undies. Really did bring me good luck 'till the end of the day. Not alot of people know why eh? =) Either way, the day was all good. All smiles, even during maths. It was one of the best school days even though it didn't seem like it. Ah well, thats school and love for you I guess.

And I'll start reforming myself too. =)

I'll have to start on a few basic religious things, but also my own self at the same time. so sure, holistic well-being they call it. But even then, I can't throw away my own personality because of that, can I?

Nothing much to share. =P

2006-04-22T00:29:00.000+08:00

Its been one heckova month with emotional turnarounds. Part and parcel of growing up eh? Its funny that for the three weeks of this month, all I felt was jealousy, lonliness, anger and self-rejection. Only on one fateful day a few days back, I kind of... let it all out. =)

So yeah, I'm pretty much accepting everything I see. Even for the girl I like, she has her own likes, hates and dreams. I can't wish for everything to be my way if it wasn't meant to be. And realizing this made me happy. Sure, it hurt, but in the long run, it'll be the foundation for every single relationship I have. Be it just friends, or anything more or less.

School sucks as usual, so I guess I can leave it at that. So... yeah. Ciao anyways. ^^

2006-03-21T20:48:00.000+08:00

Well, I guess its been a long holiday week, and I didn't post anything. Thats because there was nothing to post about. I would have posted about the debate camp... if I had even gone there. Stupid CCA had us so restricted. Its bad enough Brillante practices take up twice a week, with remidials, and the goddamned Clean and Green also taking every single free time we all have.

Only thing we can look forward to now is the Sec 3 Adventure Camp next week, I guess. We have lots of obstacles to go through before we even get to go, but I guess thats just one of the few disadvantages I guess.

Well, thats about it. Ciao.

Great.

2006-03-08T20:41:00.000+08:00

The days seem to get worse and worse. First, they changed the friggin, stupid debate camp briefing to SATURDAY INSTEAD OF FRIDAY. That means I have to go for Social Studies anyway. It isn't that bad, but I hate something or someone taking my Saturday away from me. T_T

But maybe we can make that positive. Hopefully. Maybe an outing. I'll see what I can cook up with the rest.

And the Clean and Green dance is back. Not again. I like it, I like the $100 I might win, but other than that, the practices are going to get worse.

It just gets more tiring and tiring by the day.

2006-03-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

This is one hell of a hectic week. The whole week is just. Ow. There's literally no breaks. Physics remidial, followed by Dance and Drama on Monday. Today's the Brilliante rehearsal, Tomorrow's maths remidial+ Dance and drama, thursday's POA remidial + Read Along Programme and friday's Social Studies. Just ow.

-Too lazy to think of anything else.

^_^

2006-03-05T20:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, Angela came by at around 1.40 to do some homework. Originally, it was supposed to be her and Khai Yin to celebrate my birthday, but since Khai Yin couldn't go out because her mom disallowed her since she almost lost her voice a few days back, Angela had to come alone. But the birthday plans where pushed to Monday. I can't wait!

Of course, she still came by and we did some homework instead. I supervised her doing Exercise 7c since she wasn't here last Thursday when the homework was issued out. I gave her a cup of Coke Lime to drink, as well as one glass for myself. My mom also cooked nuggets for both of us. As she did her work, we left the computer on for 2 reasons; The lack of a calculator and for some music. It went on fine. Around 3.20 or so, we went on making people confused over both of us. Since we used two different types of messengers to chat, but we're still on the same computer. Soon after, Gilroy asked us to play some Gunbound. And so we did.

I played for Angela as she logged in her account. We played with Gilroy, Wen Wei, Cheryl and Lee Shen. No one noticed the difference of skill in her for some reason. So as I played, she typed out the chats so that it wouldn't be too conspicious. At times, I'd just try to impersonate her. After about almost 2 hours, everyone had to go, so we went off again, and looked at some websites as we continued on to finish her work.

When we were done, she got on that 3D pinball thingie all Windows XP computers have. When she played, she had a total of 400,000++ points. When I tried, I had about, 1,000,000+ points. Bully? Maybe, XD

Soon enough, my mom and dad departed for the Giant Superstore at Bedok Interchange, and told me to switch computers since it had been on since like, 9.45 AM, and it was about 6PM+. So I did.

The other computer was pretty empty. But still better in terms of specs than the other one I was using. So she went on blog-surfing, showing me blogs and commenting on the different bloggers. I had a few to show off too anyway. ^_^

Well yeah, I was alone with her in the house for an hour, doors locked, only two lights on and....

Well, I was a brother to her. Don't get the wrong idea. XD

Soon after, at about 9 or so, her mom called to fetch her home. So I followed her down just in case, and sent her off to her mom while I hid in the lift she took. =P

After about 20 minutes at home, bored while surfing the internet, my mom came back with HONEY CHICKEN. Holy yum. Its good enough she cooked CHICKEN RICE for the day.

Welp, I guess thats all. ^_^

Blarg.

2006-03-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

Today was the average/ok day at the least. I'm still having problems with saving money. Ugh. I've gotta start planning and eating less. I'm already on a stringent meal by eating like, 2 chicken paos for reccess if I need to. I sometimes eat my $1.50 or $1.80 plate of chicken rice, and I keep needing to buy stationary. Ugh. Its been happening since last year. I gotta change that. I swear I feel angry at myself for alot of things, but this has got to be the one that annoys me the most.

Well, on the bright side, at least I can jog 4 rounds around the field on an almost-constant pace. I'm happy at least my training has paid off. Sure, its only my breathing. My legs can stand the work.

I also hate having the responsibilities of a Class Chairman. Its cool, sure. But it sucks too. XD

Today's assembly was great, with a few people acting out about how not to feel ugly, and the truth of relationships and stuff. It was really meaningful to people of our age. Well, at least thats what I think. Sure, it was slightly dumb, but I guess thats how we all think it is eh?

The rest of the day went on as normal. Along with the read along programme.

Before I stop due to my fatigue, I'd like to add one little comment.

Postitude > All.
Good ol' Mr Teo made that mistake well. Positive Attitude became Postitude. Woot.

Right, later.

Dance and drama...

2006-03-01T21:47:00.000+08:00

Despite being one of the more "successful" CCAs, by performing at a few occasions, and getting Gold With Honours at the Singapore Youth Festival at its first time there, most people don't really see behind the scenes of the CCA. Sure, we have our bright points. But we really only practice when the instructor's drilling our ass out. Rarely do we do that anymore without the instructors. Sure, its possible, but its alot more slacking.

I'm not surprised its been like this since I've joined, and now I'm sec 3. I wonder what the current batch is thinking.

I mean, my batch was lucky. Straight after we went in, we had a dance to do, which was the skeleton of the SYF dance we did a year later. It was still satisfactory. I kind of miss those days. It was better than the present one, if I'm not wrong. I can't say why, but it just is. Either way, I can never mix in with the rest, even the newer sec 2 or sec 1s. I guess its just me eh? =P

Welp, nothing much to say, other than to complain about the sometimes-irregular practice that can seriously drain up your free time for the week, and your energy. Sometimes, it fucks up your mood too. But then again, it has probably given me loads of CCA points due to my participation in most events, so I guess might as well stay for another year... I'll be busy for O levels next year anyway.

Lets think back!

2006-02-25T18:34:00.000+08:00

Well, shit. I fell asleep and didn't go cycling afterall. Way to go! =.=

Either way, I guess it isn't really that bad. I have a mind to do that tomorrow anyway. A good cycle around Bedok, catching some wind and some sights with my MP3 blasting music right into my ear drums. Wished I had a camera though. If I had one, I'd be one heckova avid photographer. =P

Alas, unlike MP3s, they're expensive. Way, expensive. So for the time being, I'll just be content with my mind as they savour every good scene I see on my way around town.

Oh, I went off topic. Hehe.

Well, as the title suggests, I'll be looking back at the events of the past week, and maybe posting things I forgot to post, or just didn't bother to. If there isn't anything to post, then I'll just post something. We'll see. XD

Now, lemme think... I didn't really complain about the lame-ass english classes every tuesday, don't I? I agree its a waste of time too. But I guess it can't be helped. I mean, nothing can be overly perfect, can it? Nope, and I guess thats one of the few things that we can't do anything about. I did manage to eat a whole box of salad as he was teaching. He's that slow, basically. XD... OR I have a ninja's speed. 0_0 The former, alright?

Now, Thursday. How can I not post it? I must've been too angry or too... distracted. Alright, here goes. Shortly after that little confrontation, Angela, Jun Yuan and Jaselyn and I went off to Sumo house. Zhen Hao was SUPPOSED to be there, but for some reason, he told me afterwards he and a few friends went off to Long Johns instead. Ugh. I hate that place. It only has a few nice things to remember about though. ^_^

Right. I now remember why I didn't want to post this. I didn't want to embarass the couple already. XD

Well, I'll give a short summary then. At Sumo House, we recieved a Complimentary dish of chicken, something they give to customers who come in their school uniforms during school days. Cool. *hint hint* I had a bowl of cold noodles, but stupidly forgot to add the friggin soup. So I ate cold noodles with the wasabi and ice. I sipped the soup up later... I drank it like tea actually, but... =P

Well, Angela doesn't like spring onions for some reason. I mean, why not? They absorb the air in your stomach. As we discussed why, Jaselyn added; "You know, I rarely fart."

Yeah, and so we laughed.

They wouldn't believe me when I said that though. So I warned them not to come to me if I had went to some quiet corner. =/

As we finished our food, some remnants of soup were left. Jun Yuan took Jaselyn's soup (yes, she did drink it) and drink it. As a dare, she added lots of chilli powder. Jun Yuan practically chocked. I finished that soup within one gulp. I had to say it was pretty much a good challenge.

My mom's cooking is worse. XD

And so, we went to Tenchi, but due to nothing to see there, we decided to go to Comics Connection instead. There, Jun Yuan was pointing out some amulet; two halves of a moon with faces on it. Both magnetic and stuck to each other. He did hint that he wanted to buy that for someone. *cough cough* When I showed him an "I <3 You" Amulet, he said. "It'll be great if she *refering to jaselyn* buys that for me"

You get the picture.

After that, we deftly sent angela home, before the three of us pressed on to Yu Neng for our Read along Programme to teach primary 1 kids to read. Jun Yuan managed to shelter her from the rain with her file, so yay for him eh?

Happened at thursday, if you didn't notice.

Argh, tired. Toodles!

Boring.

2006-02-24T21:37:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the more boring days of the week, with literally nothing fun to do. It was the basic teaching, listening, note writing, and the easy-peasy Physics test which I'd probably get over 25... over 30. Its just that easy. Other than that, the day was boring enough to not permit a frigging blog entry. But I'd do it anyway. Its just what I like to do maybe. I don't have anything else to do, sadly. *shrugs*

Yeah, so far, I seem to like shrugging alot.

Either way, Samuel seemed to be better today, especially after his 2 day MC after having a high fever. He missed alot of tests, sure. Hopefully, he can study up to par...

Yeah, I went out with him earlier on at 6+ and went to the arcade for an hour or two for some boring fun. Ever since they closed down the arcade near Sumo House, I've got not much of a place to go.

So yeah, played some Daytona, tried some games, ate some sushi, and of course, we drank bubble tea. Mmm mm...

Blah...

2006-02-23T22:01:00.000+08:00

Started the day with a lousy time to wake up at. 6.45 in the morn sucked. Sure, I mean, I wasn't late for school. But i missed a precious 30 minutes where I can read up and maybe have a chance at passing my maths. In this case, I had nil. Either way, I did arrive on time, and managed to settle everything within a short time period. But hell, the day managed to have a perfect balance of "suck" and "great".

PE was utterly boring, and I only managed to get the ball for rugby once. I screwed that up by mistiming my catch. And the ball dropped on the ground. Ugh, might've scored too. The whole one hour for maths later on was... bad.

During reccess, a pair of lovebirds, along with a few of their friends decided it was good to stay back during reccess. So they did... in my class. I didn't really want to chase them out, so I took the whole reccess to sweep up, organize my stuff and the like, you know. I was hungry, but since I had somewhere to go later, I wasn't going to eat anyway.

Still annoyed me to a point, since I was pretty much alone for the whole 30 minutes up in there. But it wasn't much of a big deal. English was... so-so. Nothing much there.

Ah, Pure Geography was fun. The trainee teacher had us outside the AV room for 15-20 minutes, due to the other's noise. I was pissed off due to the heat, and the friggin inability for the rest to keep quiet for just one, friggin, minute. That was all the teacher asked for, and I didn't think we got any closer to that, before she decided to give up, and let the class in anyway. It was a mixed class, so I'm not going to state the obvious. =P

It was horrid. The noise was so goddamned annoying. I couldn't even focus on what she's teaching. Sure, she ain't that good in handling teenagers like the ones in the current mixed class. But that wasn't a reason good enough for them to blatently answer back, did it? I'm wondering why they just don't put themselves in the teacher's shoes. Doing that just made me boil up more.

If the chatter wasn't bad enough, they start howling like wolves for some reason. After 5 seconds of incessent howling, I shouted a simple, "Shut up!"

Sorry if Angela, Huda, Farhana, Jun Yuan, Pei Zhi, and Rachel got a little deaf in one ear for a while. ^_^

So they started talking about bangla's and stuff, and I screamed out a second time. "You want bangla you come ar!"and a friend of mine was telling me that they were asking me where I came from. As the teacher settled them down, I couldn't give a shit. I was copying some crap anyway. Gotta use that window of opportunity.

Oh sure, I did get confronted later on, while Wee Yang managed to dissuade him from persuing the matter any longer... For the day.

*shrugs*

I knew it had to happen someday, but I guess it just did today eh?

Well...

2006-02-22T19:02:00.000+08:00

Today was alright I guess. Not really anything much to say, since nothing fundamental or big had happened today. I'm dead tired though. Well, if there was two events that sapped my energy, it would be the Clean and Green dance/cheer competition and the practices for the Brilliante 2006. I mean, dancing like that for a few times in a row? Oh hell no, I get tired by the second or third run. You'd understand if you were to try it out.

At least I'm not in most of the parts in the first Gloria Estefan dance. That would kill my brain. Not that its not killing my joints already.

If there's one large disadvantage my CCA would have, is the lack of time and freedom. I mean, if you dance good, you get lots of CCA points, sure. But that also means you're in demand for external events or school events. Its funny when I want to tell you that our Monday and Wednesday practices are usually not including events such as teachers day or the like. It rarely does. So yeah, that means irregular practices that can go up to every friggin school day. That means less study time, and you know what that means. Ugh.

Yeah, and I should focus on losing some weight now. I have enough stamina to do that now at least. TAF club gives me a reason to actually run without looking too stupid at the same time, so I'm happy for that... In a way. Its not as if I have time for that at all, with the dance recitals taking way my free time. I might just have to start using my weekends, something I don't really like either way. But with my new bike, I guess that'll have to do eh?

My handphone's been silent for a few weeks too. I guess once the contract ends this year, I'll cut it, and get a simcard. Its waste of friggin cash to pay $20 a month when I barely use $8 a month. I guess thats ONE advantage of being a bit anti-social.

Oh, speaking of anti-social, i'll SCREW being anti-social too. ^_^

Yeah, That means forgetting about every single depressing stupid poem I've ever written. I mean, sure, they're nice and all. But they're all sad and crap. I really have to let them go if I'm going to be a more positive person.

Sooo yeah. Tata~

Grawwrr!

2006-02-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

I am NOT pleased with my english comprehension marks! Yeesh, I swear to god, I just lost like 3-4 marks on elaboration that I could've fixed. The other 6-7? Those were things I really couldn't do. Hell, that made me pissed for a certain part of the day, and I apologize to anyone who was affected, namely Samuel Ng and Low Khai Yin. No idea if Joan actually noticed. XD

Sorry anyway.

On a positive note, I was 1 mark away from full marks for my other POA trial balance test, third in class for the total grade. I wonder what happened to it. Probably something about the line for the ending part of the trial balance, but we'll see. Not getting any papers back so far anyway.

Well, Chemistry test tomorrow so lets all hope for the best for the whole level who would be attempting the test. ^_^

On a side note, there are hints of lovey dovey stuff happening in class. What I meant, was hints that
SOME people are starting to get along preeeety well. Oh yes, barely into the second month, and this is what we get eh? Oh wait, Secondary 1 was somewhat similar, so I guess I shouldn't whine. As I said in class before, "Wakao, heart pain ah!"

Toodle-loo!

-Shaft

Letsee now...

2006-02-20T22:46:00.000+08:00

Today wasn't too bad, hell, it was one of the more funnier days of the year... hopefully. XD It started off pretty good, with me and Samuel surely getting good grades for our POA, but kind of sucked as reccess got on. We got scolded for our mediocre Social Studies scripts, and for our incessent talking during Maths. Ugh.

Other than that, it was pretty happy lally after school during Physics class. I don't even want to know when the Khai Yin and Samuel Ng feud would last. But then again, a serious saggitarius with a lofty pisces? Can't really blame them much. But screw star signs anyway, not like I even know them.

Well, due to that, pretty much skipped sitting with Zakiyyah and Khai Yin and instead sat with Angela and Jaselyn. Not a bad choice either. We talked for an hour straight and did some work while we were at it. (Hopefully) Lots of perverted stuff came out of my mouth, and also Jun Yuan's mouth. But what can we say? 2/1 was full of guys with mentalities like us, so we're pretty much one of a kind. The girls who were with us on the table? Angela was innocently blur. Jaselyn's face was soooo red. Think fresh fuji apple.

Wait, before I start to THINK about the flavor of her face, lemme start thinking of something else...

This week's pretty eventful, with the coming of the rehearsals for the Brilliante 2006, Clean and Green week and some tests coming up. I think I can feel the pressure brushing against my friggin spine. Ugh.

Kthxbai.

(Pronounced as Kay, Thanks, Bye. Not kthnnkksssbai)

Ah well...

2006-02-19T21:56:00.000+08:00

Can't seem to make up my mind, can I? I guess that is what happens when you get too messed up with puberty and stuff. Yeesh, tell me about thinking straight when I can't even do that nowadays. Especially after failing Physics, Chem and maths. Ugh.

But then again, thats just normal for school, right? Well, hopefully. I plan to score well this year. I've slacked enough... wait, I've slacked TOO much last year that it's become a very, very stubborn habit. Hell, its a friggin thorn in my neck. But I guess if I can find a reason to do so, I will.

And yeah, I guess I did. Its a certain person, but I won't say who. Just for her, I'll change, and I'll succeed. Alright, no promises for maths or mother tongue, but I think I can handle the rest... Not quite.

Lets just say, I'll do better than last year, alright?